One of the things that I love most about our time here on Earth is that we get to decide when it’s time to let something go and when to declare a fresh start for ourselves. We get to reach beyond the dark and allow ourselves to move toward the light.

As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, this year has been tough so far. I lost two loved ones. I had childhood trauma resurface. I was sick for over a month. I went through a few health scares that shook me deeply.

During this time, I kept having dreams that my foundation was crumbling beneath me, and all I could do was try to hang on and not get too hurt in the process. I am a firm believer that we’re never given more than we can handle, but boy has this belief been tested over these last few months.

However, I’m still here. The sun is still shining. Dan and I just celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary. The beach is still just as magical as ever. I am surrounded by such a loving community. I have access to a wonderful team of doctors and healers who are so helpful. My body, heart, mind, and soul are all working together to make sure I come out of all of this stronger than before.

And what I’m finding is that even in the midst of deep grief and illness and anxiety and health issues and trauma, there’s still so much that is working, that is right, that is good. And that’s what I’ve decided to focus on.

I turned 44 on the 7th, which felt like a defining moment in many ways. I wasn’t planning on celebrating my birthday this year because of all of the pain and heartache that’s surrounded me. When I woke up that morning, however, I looked out the window and saw that the sun was shining (a surprise since it was supposed to be raining all day). And it was like a flip switched in my mind and heart, and I decided that this would be the day that I got back on track – this would be the day that I reset my mind and shifted my focus back to love, gratitude, and positivity. And while it was completely natural to have been focusing on my grief and health issues prior to that, it felt like it was time to move forward.

I mentioned to Dan that I thought we should head to the beach and celebrate there since this is our favorite place in the world. And so we did. We spent the day admiring sea lions, basking in the sun, watching the waves, and enjoying our time together. It felt good to be alive. It felt good to be in my body. It felt good to shift my focus away from all of the things that had felt so dark and heavy. It felt good to welcome in the light again.

Since then, I’ve noticed that I’ve been feeling much better in so many ways. No, my health isn’t perfect and yes I’m still grieving, but the heaviness has lifted. The light is back, which I’m so grateful for.

So much is changing both internally and externally for me right now. I feel more exposed – like my outer shell hasn’t had time to harden – like all of me is malleable and I’m not sure where my cells will land and what form I’ll take when all is said and done. Change can be scary. The unknown can be scary. But I’ve decided to do my best to see this time as a gift – to spend it reflecting on what I want and what I need to do to make my desires become my reality. To give myself permission to let go of anything that no longer feels like the person I am today so that I can welcome in what does feel more aligned with my soul. To embrace all of the changes that are on the horizon, knowing that they are all happening for my highest good. And to always know that I get to decide how to view what’s happening in my life. And to know that wherever I am is okay. It’s necessary to go through the darkness in order to fully appreciate the light. Well, I’m ready to appreciate it now. And that feels good.

If you’re in your own darkness, please know that my heart is with you. And if you’re also in a space where you can look for glimpses of light, then I’m glad we’ll be doing that together.

Hugs,

P.S. Last chance to share your message in the 365 Book Series – this will be our final book! If your dream is to become a published author and be part of our soulful writing community, be sure to sign up to contribute to 365 Soulful Messages soon while there’s still space. Almost 300 days are already reserved, so be sure to sign up soon! You can learn all about it here: https://www.365soulfulmessages.com. (Thank you so much to each of you who have already signed up!)