This probably won’t come as a huge surprise, but I tend to be on the serious side. Big shocker, right? 🙂 While I do love to laugh and have a great sense of humor, my default setting has always been one of contemplation and introspection. I’ve been this way my entire life, and I sort of have to remind myself to play, to have fun, to be silly, to goof off…otherwise it just doesn’t happen. I have to get into the habit and the mindset of playing – to sort of work at it until it becomes second nature.

As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, this past year has been rough in many ways – from health scares and losing loved ones to disappointing political events and professional setbacks, I honestly haven’t felt much like laughing. I’ve felt sad and hurt and angry and disappointed – none of which make me want to jump up and down for joy. I’ve cried so, so much. I’ve questioned everything. I’ve yelled. I’ve crawled into my bed and had moments where I wanted to stay there forever. And I wondered if I would ever feel light and playful again.

And I have to share that just in the last few weeks, something is shifting. I’ve been feeling something stirring from deep within that I haven’t felt in quite a long time: joyfulness.

So what’s changed? I’m not entirely sure, to be honest. I’m still surrounded by uncertainty and things that make me angry and sad and hurt my heart. I’m still in a state of flux when it comes to my health. But I feel lighter. Much, much lighter. A life filled with laughter feels possible to me again. I’ve played more lately and have been silly lately, which have both felt so good. And here’s why I think this lightness and playfulness has been coming to the surface more: because I have allowed it to and because I have made space for it.

Somewhere in my subconscious mind, I must have long ago decided that it wasn’t okay to feel sad and happy at the same time. I had worked out in my reasoning that I couldn’t grieve and also laugh. I couldn’t worry and also feel hopeful. I couldn’t feel down and also feel up. I could only feel one or the other. Yet, what I’m realizing is that this just isn’t true. We have all sorts of compartments in our brain and in our heart, and there’s enough room for every emotion and every way to express it. They don’t have to fight it out – they will all get their turn. I have given all of the darker and heavier emotions a lot of air time – probably because they tend to be my default setting, but I can also give happiness and playfulness plenty of attention and space, too.

So that’s what I’ve been doing. Over the last six weeks, Dan and I celebrated both of our birthdays and several anniversaries, so we’ve had a lot of practice in laughing and playing and goofing off and being silly and just feeling good. We played mini golf and arcade games and yard games and Wii games and board games. We spun around on the beach. We had adventures and explored and tried new things together and went to new places together. And it’s all been wonderful in bringing me back to joy – to fun.

And I want to continue to make space for it. I get to choose that. We all do. And having fun in no way means that you’re negating everything else that’s happening in your life or everything else that’s happening in the world. It simply means that you value your own well-being enough to give yourself a break to lighten up and to feel free and to play. It’s so important, especially for those of us who tend to be on the serious side. We don’t have to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders, which I oftentimes feel that I’m attempting to do. We can let it go and allow ourselves to be free.

We can play.

We can laugh.

We can be silly.

We can.

I know that what we focus on expands, and I’m ready to invite more of these lighter emotions into my life. If this resonates with you, please feel free to join me.

Hugs,