I’ve been in a reflective space lately. My 39th birthday is coming up in a few days, which is followed a few days later by my 10-year wedding anniversary. And, like many of us, milestones such as these slow me down, ground me, and help me take in where I’ve been, where I’m at, and where I’m going.

On the 7th, I’ll enter the final year of being in my 30s. It’s mind-blowing to think of where I was (physically and emotionally) just 10 years ago.

Here’s a snapshot:

I was living with Dan in New Mexico on top of a mountain. I had been on disability from my editing job for a year, and they had laid me off when I knew I wouldn’t be coming back due to injuries from a car accident. I was experiencing such a mix of emotions: I was so happy to be getting married to my one true love/soulmate/everything, but I was also filled with anger. I focused much of my energy on what I didn’t have, what had been taken from me, what I could no longer do, and what I had lost.

I would spend my days being taken to treatment for my neck and back. Dan would carry me into the house afterward because I was in such excruciating pain that I couldn’t walk. I felt like I had lost my independence. I could no longer live on my own. I no longer had a job. I could no longer drive. I was miserable.

And yet, I was also elated. We were getting married, and we were planning all of the beautiful details of our wedding together. We were doing it our way, which felt so good. We pored over every detail of it – the ceremony, the vows, the guests, the activities, the music, the food – everything. It was ours – a direct reflection of who we were at the time. And that was such a beautiful experience.

My days were a mix of high highs and low lows. I was happier than I had ever been and more miserable than I had ever been. I was in love. But I felt like a failure. I felt like my body was failing me and that I had somehow failed myself.

If I fast forward to where I am now, I see that the love that I felt for Dan then has only grown. And thankfully, my body has (for the most part) healed.

While I always knew how blessed I was to share my life with Dan, I only recently started to see how blessed I was to have gone through so many years of physical pain.

Because I could no longer work at a regular job, I had to get creative with how I was going to make a living. Dan and I started our gift business, and in the beginning I would work for a little while and lie down for a little while. Having this time to get in touch with my creative side also helped me remember who I was and what had been missing from my life. I had so much downtime – so much time to reflect. Years and years.

And it’s all of these experiences wrapped up together that have brought me to where I am today.

This past decade has been so full – complete with love, loss, remembering, opening up, connecting, and surrendering. It was a time when I came home – to myself and also to my place in the world. A time when I stopped giving away my power and started taking responsibility for my life. A time when I leaped into my soul’s calling.

It was a time when I felt strong enough to say goodbye to family and friends that no longer felt nurturing and nourishing. A time when I began to honor my own needs and realized that I didn’t have to get sick or injured to finally have an excuse to slow down and have the time and space to go within.

I remembered my soul in my 30s. I began having conversations with it. I began to really listen to it. I began to take action on its whispers.

I opened my heart in my 30s. I stopped going through life jaded and cynical. I saw others for who they truly were – loving beings at their core.

And now here I am – entering the final year of this decade that has taught me so much. And I’m feeling so grateful. So, so grateful. 

I want to make the most of this year ahead. I want to take all that I have learned over the past 10 years and put it into practice. I want to honor this time by living consciously and lovingly. I want to be present for my life – an active participant.

I know that it’s going to be a wonderful year, and I’m looking forward to seeing what magic unfolds. Because that’s the thing: we never really know what’s going to happen. But I trust that whatever happens will be for the best. And I trust that I will learn from it and grow from it and expand because of it.

And that feels pretty wonderful.

If you’re also about to pass a birthday or a milestone (or even if you aren’t), I wonder if you can take some time to reflect on where you’ve been, where you’re at, and where you’re going as well. It’s so healing and grounding and also uplifting at the same time. 

I’m sending you so much love.

Hugs,

P.S. – I am so grateful to everyone who has already joined me in the Soulful Life Sanctuary! This is what I’ve been creating for the past year – a space for all of us to go to connect with our soul and also with each other. I would love for you to join us! You can learn all about it here + there’s a special discount and bonus gifts this month! http://www.soulfullifesanctuary.com