I just took some pictures of our living room to send to my Mom, and I started looking at them through fresh eyes. We have lived in our home for almost four years, and I’m just now beginning to feel settled in.
My husband and I moved to Oregon on a dream. We had just learned about the law of attraction, and we absolutely had both feet in and were ready to consciously apply it to our lives. So we moved into a luxurious 5,000 square foot home that we definitely couldn’t afford, but we were convinced that we would manifest whatever we needed to make it work.
The house itself was absolutely gorgeous – plenty of land in the middle of the mountains, more bathrooms than we possibly needed – one of them larger than our current master bedroom, 2 jacuzzi tubs, 2 stoves, an industrial-sized refrigerator, a marble fireplace, 10 sets of French doors, and so much more. It was amazing.
Except, I couldn’t enjoy it. Either I was completely stressed about trying to pay for it (the heating bill for one month was $600, which was about six times what we were used to), or I felt like I was playing house – like I couldn’t possibly believe that we could live in a house this grand.
I see now that we leaped into something so quickly, and we were in way over our heads. We didn’t change our mindset or our beliefs about ourselves and what we felt we deserved, and so it didn’t feel real and it wasn’t plausible for us.
I won’t go into all of the details here, but thankfully we were able to leave this house after just one year – bruised and battered, but more than ready to lick our wounds and start over.
We moved into a much more realistic home – about 1/3 the size. A home that felt more like us – like where we were at this point in our lives. A home that felt comforting. A home that didn’t break the bank and cause us to go into a panic attack when we got the electric bill each month.
Still, that year of stress took its toll on us, and we have spent the last few years digging ourselves out of the hole we got ourselves into during that time – both financially and emotionally. And during this time, I’ve really had a lot of space to get clear on what I want and what I don’t want – who I am and who I am not – what is important to me and what isn’t – what brings me joy and what doesn’t.
It’s been a beautiful cocooning time, and I feel like I am just now emerging stronger, but also emotionally softer, than before.
I used to be ashamed that affording this grand home didn’t come easily for me at the time – that this somehow made me a failure. I used to hang my head when I thought about all of the pain and stress that I experienced during my time there, and I wondered how long I would be licking my wounds.
But seeing these pictures made me realize something: I’m doing okay. I love my current home. I am proud that I live here – that I can afford to live here. I love that it’s nice and cozy and comfy and ME.
I am not a showy person. I don’t have a grand personality. I am not luxurious and extravagant. I am homey and comfortable and authentic – just like my current home.
This home feels so much more like the true me than the spacious mansion ever did. And seeing these pictures warmed my heart because they helped me see what a blessing these last few years have been for me. If I had stayed in that huge house, I wouldn’t have had the freedom to experiment with my creativity and see where my soul wanted to take me. While I will never know, I have a pretty strong feeling that I wouldn’t be here now with you had I stayed there.
And so I’m extra grateful for the shifts that allowed me to move and come to my current home. The home that fits me so well. The home that has helped me embrace my truth, my voice, my authenticity, my heart. The home that has become a part of me.
While I know that it isn’t my forever home, I’m so happy that it’s my current home. It’s just right, and I am so grateful that I am now able to embrace it for all that it has given and continues to give to me.
So many of us have experienced painful situations in our lives – moments that we wish we never had to go through. And I wonder if we can each try to step away from our hurt or anger – just for a moment – and see the blessings that came because of this experience. It’s my hope that we’ll each be able to find many. That’s what looking at these pictures has helped me see, and I hope this perspective helps you as well.
I would love for you to help spread the love by sharing this on Facebook and Twitter!
Hugs,
P.S. – If you aren’t already reading my Heart of the Soul column on Beliefnet, please head on over there now and subscribe (right-hand side of the page)! I write several pieces each week that are intended to uplift and inspire. Click here to check it out! 🙂
What an inspiring article. You continue to bring honesty that’s so full of self-love, self-awareness and self-compassion. You shine a very bright light, dear Jodi, and I’m as always blessed by what you share.
So much appreciation!
xoxox
Sue
This is something I’ve been thinking a great deal about lately, making my home more of a reflection of me. I have a Soulful Home series on my blog and the next prompt is about bringing in pieces of ourselves and surrounding ourselves with authentic memories that bring us joy. I so enjoyed reading about your realization here.
Love this post Jodi, I’ve been learning to do the same with my home over the last few years. Make it cozy and a reflection of me instead of a reminder of things I wish I had. Beautiful writing! Xo
I love this. Sometimes we just aren’t ready for big leaps, and that’s ok. We don’t have to be ready until we’re ready to be ready!
Smaller can be so beautiful…and, like Goldilocks, “just right” is the best feeling of all! I hear too many folks wrestle with feeling there’s something wrong with going from a Mercedes to an Acura (even if they like it much better), or from a huge house to a nice condo (hey, I’d love to have someone else be responsible for snow removal!). To which I say “whatever really works for who you are and how you want to live is the greatest success.”
Good for you for knowing what is truly best for you, and owning it fully. That’s the best path to a soulful, peaceful life…
Lovely article, Jodi!
This reminded of the importance of looking back and being grateful. I know a lot of people, including me, who, whenever a situation gets sticky, feel like they’re going to be stuck there forever. That feeling of confusion, helplessness, and anger can consume a person and dim whatever ray of hope.
So it’s nice to look back even in those kinds of situations because eventually, with the right mindset & hard work, things will get better.
Wow! I can’t say your previous home looked bad at all, but your new one looks so much more cozy and home-y!
When I think of the bills and all the ‘thrill’ that comes along with them, I find more and more reasons to live in a smaller home – every time.
Besides, it really isn’t so much about the home as it is about the people you share it with and the good times you’re having.
I think you’ve made an excellent, not to mention mature choice!
Have a great weekend!
Lovely you came to the realization we don’t always have to have it ‘bigger’ that sometimes less is actually more and that we can change our perception of what is true for us at any time.. without feeling less than enough. A beautifully honest post Jodi.. delighted that it enabled you to be here doing as you do so beautifully xo
Beautiful Jodi, trusting what’s authentically right for you and your soul’s path xo
I can so relate to your experience Jodi. We almost bought the house four doors down at a considerable greater cost – both in price and soul. I knew the house wasn’t where we were supposed to be and would have been always on edge about making the mortgage payment. This house is where we are supposed to be for now. Each place I’ve lived has brought its own lessons – stretching, Listening, patience, trust, letting go to name a few. The most important lesson of all is knowing when we look, all is Divine in the end.
I can definitely relate to this story. My husband and I made a similar decision when we decided to “right-size” our home to fit our needs, free our souls from the stress of higher cost living and maintenance, and focus on things/experiences we wanted most.
Thanks for sharing your journey!