Have you ever noticed that sometimes beautiful lessons can hide in a seemingly hurtful and negative experience?
I’ll share an example to show you what I mean:
I received an email today that managed to press many buttons deep within my soul. Among many other hurtful words that were said, the main gist of the email was to tell me that I wasn’t running my giveaway on the premise of giving but rather it was just a marketing scheme. And it went on to say that I clearly wasn’t as caring as I portrayed myself to be. (I am celebrating reaching 4,000 likes on Soul Speak’s Facebook page for the next month by hosting weekly giveaways. Over 30 wonderful prizes – totaling over $2500 in value – have been donated, and I am having so much fun putting them together!)
Now, I wouldn’t normally share something so hurtful here, and I’m certainly not doing it to bring all of us down to this negative space. I’m sharing it because we’ve all been pulled into the muck at one point or another in our life. And we’ve all had that moment where we could let it fester and continue the downward spiral of anger and hurt or we could choose to find the gem amidst all of the pain and negativity and learn a valuable lesson from the experience.
To be honest, I was visibly shaken by this email. Thankfully, the negative emails that I receive are few and far between, and most of them tend to roll off of me and immediately get deleted. But this one stuck. This one was quickly making its way to my core, and I needed to stop this infiltration.
So, after I vented my frustration surrounding it (such an important first step), I took some time to go within. I asked myself why this hurt so much. I asked myself to uncover why this particular email carried such a charge for me.
And what I realized was that the words in this email were all a reflection of me – my old beliefs that are still in the process of shifting. I used to give and give and never ask for anything and never accept anything (even if it was offered). I just wanted to give.
Why? Because I love to give, and I didn’t always feel worthy of receiving. I also felt that receiving somehow tainted the giving part.
It’s true.
Because of my own low self worth, I set the precedence in my professional life that I would give everything away and not accept anything in return. And when I did start charging, I would undervalue my services and underprice my offerings. And this way of living went on for years. And, while I loved giving and creating, I started to get really tired. And while I loved serving others, not filling myself back up was starting to take a toll. And eventually I realized that if I’m going to be here helping others for the rest of my life (which I plan to be), then the way I did things was going to have to change.
I was going to need to learn how to receive. I was going to need to balance giving and receiving. I was going to have to start charging what I believed I was worth. And start pricing my products what they were worth. And when I gave things away, I was going to have to start making it a win-win-win for everyone (the winner, the giver, and me).
Which is exactly what I did. And, for the most part, things began to flow – energy out, energy in. Giving, receiving. It was all a beautiful exchange, and it felt so good to honor myself in this way.
So this morning when I received the email that complained that I was simply doing my giveaway as a marketing scheme rather than to be of service, it really hit me in the gut.
In my mind, I knew that I set up the giveaway according to Facebook’s rules. And, to complete the giving/receiving energetic circle, I made it so each entry would also be subscribed to my mailing list, and they could unsubscribe at any time (I saw it as a win-win-win.) So many beautiful souls are entering for amazing prizes. So many giving hearts have donated soulful prizes. And I get to connect everyone together in the spirit of giving, which I love.
But in my heart (and the reason why the email hurt so much), I realized that a small part of me felt that my receiving somehow tainted the giveaway – that somehow I shouldn’t want or need to receive (even though I am running a business – a heart-based business, but still a business). And it reminded me that it’s a good idea for me to continue going within and being conscious of this whole receiving piece of the puzzle. I want to continue loving myself and knowing that it’s okay to receive.
It also taught me that my deep need to please everyone just isn’t possible, and so it’s time to let that go. And finally, I learned that I get to choose who to attach my energy to – those who love, appreciate, and understand me or those who don’t. And so I’m choosing to send this person who wrote the email love and light, and then I’m going back to my tribe – to those who know that I always come from my heart – those who lift me up rather than tear me down. And there are so many of you. For every 1 email that I receive that’s negative, I receive at least 99 that are loving and sweet. And that’s what I want to focus on and let my gratitude expand around.
I am so grateful to be surrounded by such a loving community. I feel like I am constantly in a cocoon of your love, and so when something comes into that cocoon that isn’t love-filled, it takes me a moment to react and respond and reflect.
Having done so today, I can truly say that I’m thankful for this email. It helped me see where I would like to continue growing and who and what I would like to focus on.
How about you?
Have you been through a hard experience lately – something that felt negative, but you were able to pull a beautiful lesson from it?
I would love to hear more about it.
Because if we can pull gems out of the muck of life, just imagine how much goodness we can pull from the positive experiences!
Please help spread the love by sharing this on Facebook and Twitter!
Hugs,
P.S. – Speaking of giveaways, I have 2 great ones to share with you! 😉
1. The giveaway on my Facebook page – all month long, there will always be 2-3 to enter! You can enter by clicking on the Giveaway tabs on the Facebook page. Over $2500 in prizes have been donated! 🙂
2. My husband, Dan, and I created an ecourse called Soulful Love: Manifest Your Ideal Relationship, and it’s free for the next week! It’s part of the Your Best Life Gifts Giveaway, and you can download it along with 6 other great gifts – all to help you manifest your ideal life! They are only available until the 31st, so be sure to grab them before then. Click here to see all of the gifts!
Jodi.
Thank you for this post. I resonated with it in so many ways. First in relating to your place in you business with low self esteem (something I struggle with) and not charging what you’re worth. Second in struggling with the concept of receiving and thinking that in doing so is selfish. And thirdly in learning how to let go of pleasing everyone – I’m trying. But most of all I felt a tug at the statement of “choosing who to attach myself to”. Now that’s the holy grail, isn’t it? A wonderful post and a great way to end my night (or morning I should say). THank you.
The higher you climb the more critics you’ll have. What the person said in the email is about them. How you respond is about you and you responded in a beautiful way.
Next time when the email starts out negatively don’t even finish it. You know who you and and whose you are and the rest doesn’t matter.
Keep smiling, loving and sharing. That is exactly what the world needs now. Love On! Tess xoxo
I agree, Tess! “What the person said in the email is about them.” Jodi, keep doing what you do! You are a beautiful soul sharing who you are! The rest of us appreciate you…. Love, Linda
This is such a beautiful sharing Jodi. I love how you model learning to receive more deeply, and putting hurtful situations into a positive, empowering perspective! I got “kicked in the butt” over the weekend around money and receiving. I’m using the experience to organize my time better and spend much more time on heart-based marketing.
Jodi, thank you so much for sharing this story as well as for the uplifting message to find the gems. For the past six months I’ve been going through a very bad experience with some now-former housemates, who are also clergy. It has hurt me very deeply. However it has also forced me to look closely once again at the life *I* wanted to create for myself and what *I* wanted out of the big shift that had happened in my life. This has put me in closer companionship with my soul and my muse, and I am thankful, even as I work to heal from the experience.
thanks for sharing this experience Jodi……as more of a giver myself, I’ve learned through the years exactly what you have written here……and always learn more on this path of life……..seems as though things pop up just when we need them….the universe sure has an uncanny, magical way of doing that, doesn’t it?!! much love to you………
So funny that this is the topic you wrote about today. I just actually finally had the breakthrough I needed to have to get myself out of the muck. And I’m’ so grateful to be reading your post today, rather than yesterday. I don’t think I would’ve gotten it yesterday like I do today. It has been a rough 3 months. And what I really got last night, thanks to an unexpected conversation with a friend, is that when I stop honouring who I am, out of fear (usually), others stop honouring who I am also. There’s room for people/friends to get in and sh*t all over me because I’m already feeling undeserving of their respect or their love or whatever. And the more that goes on, the cycle just keeps getting deeper, and bigger and more round. And then spirals. I’m just grateful I got what I got yesterday. Now I can move forward realizing that who I am is a gift to this world. And there are going to be people who aren’t going to get it. And it doesn’t work for me to have people in my life who don’t get who i am. Full stop.
there are always going to be people who are going to dislike me, or tell me i can’t do something, or that i couldn’t possibly be this person or that person, and sometimes, there are going to be people who will come into my life who will make me forget who I am and I’ll make attempts to alter who i am to make them happy. Eventually..that blows up in my face, and theirs.
I think I’ll stick to thinking of myself and my gifts as sacred. And see what happens from that place.
Thank you again for sharing this today. It made a big difference in my life.
Rita
Jodi, how beautiful that you were able to recognise your own past beliefs in the email. Congratulations on how far you’ve come! I too am one of the many heart-centred, spiritual business women (and we are mainly women) who find it much easier to give than to receive – never mind that reciprocity requires both, as you say, in balance.
A couple of things have helped me:
1. A simple 9-word phrase from A Course In Miracles, “To give and to receive are one in truth.” It doesn’t have an obvious, literal meaning, but it’s well worth meditating upon, repeatedly and at length 🙂
2. A lesson in Mark Silver’s Heart of Money course, in which he talked about giving, receiving, offering and taking – all four of which have a place in the flows of money and business.
I find that when I’m living in my soul, centred, aligned and grounded, I don’t worry too much about this stuff – I just do my thing. It’s when I’m out of whack that the worries come up.
I think that when we’re reaching for and expanding our consciousness Jodi, we’re remolding the substance of all things, and as we stir it up till it can move into new forms, we experience some of the old stuff that’s been stuck.
I too think it’s a great thing and congrats to you for your awareness and willingness to stick with it and voila, you discovered a jewel.
e-hugs
Elle
That’s interesting because just the other day I was thinking quite the opposite of that email. I was thinking that I love everything you create and offer (for free or for a fee) because it always comes from such a genuine and authentic place. I am sorry to hear this person wasn’t able to see that because that means they are missing out on all the wonderful and amazing gifts you have to offer.
Oh Jodi, I so hear you! I haven’t had any particular negative experiences lately, but those I had still stick in my mind – in one case, my own sister telling me I “just want to make money” off her. And like you, I was so very hurt because she reflected my own old beliefs back at me. It wasn’t true, not at all, but I felt… muddied, somehow. And my soul was bleeding.
I love how you felt your way deep down inside and lovingly found the cause of this. I suspect that I will need a lot more evolving to deal with these things in a calmer way – being hypersensitive doesn’t help – but we’re all on a path, and getting there 🙂
Much love! xx
Hi Jodi,
I can see why this email upset you. Perhaps this person is struggling with something within themselves which triggered the email.
I love what you said, “And so I’m choosing to send this person who wrote the email love and light, and then I’m going back to my tribe – to those who know that I always come from my heart – those who lift me up rather than tear me down.” It’s wise to stop and decipher why something bothers us, figure out if there’s something we need to do, and them return to our tribe. Sending the person good vibes is very mature and something we can all learn to do.
We can’t please everyone, no matter what. You have no reason to feel guilty or bad. There has to be an even exchange of energy. It’s only right.
A great and honest post. When those situations happen it tests our triggers and when they go off healing needs to happen. It is never about the other person. They just show us what we need to resolve within and you went through the process graciously. Well done
Hi Jodi, I agree that this was all about that person & not you. They just needed to hold up a mirror. Yet I also see that ‘gem in the muck’ you speak of, that you were letting go of something that was still in a feeling space inside of you. I’ve experienced this as I found bosses not valuing me or my work, thinking it was only about self value. Recently I excavated a core belief of victimization and once I brought it to the surface, it FINALLY went away. I resonant so deeply with your background & with what you write. Thank you for sharing your ‘Soul.’