A Shared Wisdom Guest Post Featuring Akemi Gaines

The day will come when, after harnessing space, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, humanity will have discovered fire. – Pierre Teilhard de Chardin 

Somehow life doesn’t always throw a nice ball. When you are criticized unkindly or treated badly, how do you deal with it? 

In some cases, speaking up is just what it takes. Other times, you might want to simply dismiss it because it’s not worth your time and attention.

There is another way, which may sound strange at first – to send love and gratitude to the very person who put you down.

Love diffuses painful situations and heals our hurt feelings. However, actually practicing this takes practice. Let me share one of my recent experience as an example.

One morning, I opened my inbox and saw an email that said, “I hate u. Don’t send me ur crap any more.”

I didn’t even understand what happened. Huh? What is this about? Who is this? I checked the previous email exchange and found that it was someone who wrote to me asking about my service. I thanked him for his interest and sent him the link to my website for that service. I also followed up with him when I started my Facebook page.

That’s what he was referring to. . . my follow up email.

So what could I do?

• Write back to him, pointing out how unfair and rude he is?

• Just delete the email?

I typically stay away from the first confrontational way because I know it’s futile. He may or may not get back, and if he does, the argument gets worse and worse. No one wins, and I just waste my energy.

But the second introverted way isn’t helpful, either. I can delete an email but I cannot delete my hurt feelings. I’d probably carry these heavy, unresolved feelings for quite some time.

So I instead tried sending him love and gratitude. And I found that it helped diffuse my hurt and anger. It helped me feel better.

If you’re ready to try this technique, here are some tips:

1.  Fake it till you make it. When you are facing criticism or mean comments, you may not feel gratitude right away. You don’t need to force yourself at this point. Take a walk or do something else. When you feel reasonably calm, but not quite grateful, pretend you are. Think of it as a game. Humor yourself, put a silly grin on, and just say, “thank you” in your mind. How long do you need to fake it? Until you realize how big your reservoir of love is. Then it’s not faking any more – it becomes natural.

2.  You don’t need to tell. You don’t need to tell the person who put you down something like, “Thank you for your email. I appreciate this learning experience.” The gratitude treatment is for yourself.

3.  Visualize. If sending love and gratitude without talking to the person is a new approach for you, try visualization. Imagine this person and send them a big ballon of love and gratitude.

Please understand I am not suggesting you should tolerate abuse. If someone treats you badly habitually, you might want to remove yourself from such toxic environment. That’s love, too. Self-love is the mother of all love.

Once you get the hang of it, this quiet gratitude is almost fun. LOVE, love, swell with love until there is no room left for that unpleasant feeling of being ill-treated or rejected.

Finally, here is something interesting I’ve noticed: the more I practice gratitude, the more I find things and people to be grateful for!

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Akemi Gaines shares her insights and stories on her blog, Real Life Spirituality. Connect with her at Google + and Facebook (free eBook on spiritual entrepreneurship available for download)

Thanks for sharing this technique, Akemi. I always say that you can’t lose with gratitude – it’s such a great healer! 🙂