Have you ever looked at someone else’s life and wondered how they managed to do everything so smoothly and seamlessly?
Their Life
Looking in, it appears that they have everything completely under control. You assume that their house is immaculate; their office is organized with color-coordinated labels; their meals are planned and made a week in advance; they have time to read their favorite novel, hang out with their friends, and take time for themselves each day; they have time for their family; and their nights are spent cuddled up in front of the fireplace snuggling together and playing games.
Your Life
And then you look at your life. And boy, does it look way different than theirs. In your life, you can’t even remember if you ate yet today – much less what you’re going to eat tomorrow. Your office resembles the aftermath of a tornado. You love your family dearly but truly can’t recall the last time you played a game together or took the night off and watched a movie. You are proud of yourself for throwing the laundry into the machine and remembering to put soap in it. Folding it and putting it away – that’s another story.
And then you enter into the dangerous space of comparison.
How come they have it so together, and I can’t seem to figure anything out?
And you start to sink deeper and deeper into a pit of despair.
But before I completely lose you to this downward spiral, let me just ask you one thing:
How does your life appear on the outside?
If someone were to look at your life (what they can see of it from their viewpoint), wouldn’t it look like the first example above? Wouldn’t it seem that you had it all together as well? Wouldn’t it appear that you were sailing through it and had somehow cracked the code on how to live your best life and were doing just that?
It’s completely natural to want to put your best foot forward – to show the side of you to the world that you are proud of, rather than the side of you that you would like to improve.
We all have both sides. I am willing to bet that not a single person in this entire world has everything all figured out all of the time. And sure, there are degrees to this – you may be on one end of the spectrum where everything feels chaotic and crazy at the moment and someone else may be on the other end where everything is basically in place. But even for that person, there are things that they can improve or are still working on or wouldn’t want to show the world.
We are all in the same boat here. We are all living each day trying to figure out how to navigate our way around our lives.
And the great part about all of us being in this together is that we get to share what we have learned with each other! We get to pass on helpful hints and solutions that have worked for us along the way – so that hopefully we won’t repeat their mistakes.
So rather than comparing yourself to someone else in a negative way, be grateful that we are all in this together. No one has it all figured out, but we definitely can learn from each other.
Things aren’t always what they appear to be. And we don’t always show each other our flaws and what’s not working in our lives. Remember that the next time you find yourself comparing yourself to another and feeling bad about your life. Their laundry might not be folded either, and that’s okay! You are doing a great job sifting through it all – and so are they.
I was just conversing with my hubby yesterday about this very thing. He mentioned that he saw someone who obviously was wealthy and was a bit envious of them and I told him, you don’t exactly know how miserable that person really is. That could all be from the outside – putting on a show for others but he’s probably very lonely, sad, doesn’t have much family, etc.
Great post, Jodi! I was just contemplating this precise question with a friend of mine over dinner earlier this evening – “What do you say to someone who’s so concerned about how she’s not as far along as everyone else?” I also thought about what a yoga teacher said – to honor what our body is able to do from one class to another, that we aren’t in competition with ourselves and especially not with each other. Anyway, thank you for what you wrote above.
Well my life is pretty orderly. I just don’t do much and I am at the age I just don’t care. I don’t have to compete with anyone. Funny as you grow older you have learned that so much is not as important as it once was. Everyone has a good side and a bad side. Just concentrate on the good side of yourself and others. Thank you for this article.