Welcome to Ask Away!
Each week I choose one of your questions and do my best to offer guidance and support to help you along your journey. I also encourage everyone who is reading this to offer their words of wisdom as well by leaving a comment at the end. Please click here to learn more about this feature.
Here is this week’s question, which was sent in by someone who wishes to remain anonymous.
I am exhausted. But I know that life continues to go on whether I am tired or not. How can I possibly continue to function and keep going in this current state?
Wow. I can definitely relate to this question. I could’ve written this question – it hits that close to home for me.
So I think what I’ll do here is offer advice for both of us (and anyone else who is also feeling extreme fatigue and isn’t sure how to keep going).
I have found that when I forget to take care of myself – when I put everything else that is on my to-do list before my own self care, my body will always let me know. Sometimes it’s in the form of extreme fatigue, sometimes in the form of illness – depending on how seriously I have been neglecting myself.
And although it probably seems counter-intuitive to you in this time of feeling exhausted and behind with life, I am going to ask you to do something that seems like it would be very easy, but I’m guessing that for you – similar to me – this may actually be very hard for you to do:
Rest.
And I mean really rest.
Clear some space on your calendar for you. Schedule it in – as much time as you can take without causing yourself more stress. I would strongly recommend at least one full day. Let your family/friends/work know. Put your computer away. Turn your phone off. And take one day to hibernate. Give yourself and your body this gift of love. You need it, and you deserve it.
I have found that the boundaries have been blurred in my own life between what counts as resting and what doesn’t. Here is what I have come up with so far:
What resting looks like:
- Sleeping. This could take the form of actually sleeping for an entire night – no alarm clock, no getting up bright and early because you have a million things that need to be done. This could be taking a lovely nap in the middle of the afternoon – one that is so long it runs into the evening. The kind of nap where you sleep so hard you aren’t sure what day it is when you wake up.
- Reading a book – purely for fun. Make sure it has nothing to do with work – it can’t even be tangentially related.
- Being still – spacing out, lounging around, chilling. All important pieces in the resting puzzle.
- Playing boardgames. Nothing too strenuous or taxing on your brain. Fun, easy games.
- Watching movies. Cuddle up on the couch and escape for awhile. Again, I would recommend light, fun movies that aren’t going to get your adrenaline pumping.
What resting doesn’t look like:
- Cleaning the house. I know this may seem obvious, but I know some people who say that cleaning is relaxing to them. When you are in a state of exhaustion, and you’re taking some time to rest – please do yourself a big favor and leave the cleaning for another day.
- Anything related to work – period. It can be a slippery slope, so please be conscious of this. We are all so used to being plugged in all of the time, and the boundaries between what is work and what isn’t have become so blurred. Resting does not include answering emails, responding to interviews, reading books that you are reviewing, or entering expenses…(firsthand experience here).
- Taking a vacation. Don’t get me wrong – vacations are wonderful and fun and exciting – but they aren’t usually restful. Traveling can take a toll on our bodies, and when we are already in this state of exhaustion, we need to learn to go easy on our bodies until they are rested and recharged.
- Exercise. I know that many people say that they feel calmer and more rested after they exercise. However, if your body is already at the brink of complete exhaustion, the last thing it needs is a workout. Seriously.
- Going out with friends. I know that this is fun and enjoyable, but it’s not restful. Save this for when you’re feeling a bit more energized.
- Catching up. This can include running errands, making calls, etc. While these are worthwhile things to do, this is not the time to do them.
(I would love for anyone who is reading this to add to either list.)
I hope this is helpful.
Taking some time out from your busy life – time that is just for you where you can recharge your batteries is absolutely essential and a top priority.
You can keep going only when you first take time to realize that you need to stop going and just be.
So get out your calendar and schedule your self-care day! You are worth it. We all are.
***
For everyone who is reading, please offer your words of wisdom as well! Let’s all chime in and offer guidance and support for this brave soul who opened themselves up by asking for help!
I would love to answer your question in next’s week’s post!
Please email your question to: info@soulfuljournals.com. (Please put “Ask Away” in the subject line.)
If your question is chosen for that Friday’s feature, I will let you know if I need any additional information. It’s completely up to you if you would like your question to be anonymous or public. If you would like to keep it anonymous, please make sure to leave out any identifying details.
My goodness! So many of us can relate to this! I try to get some rest every afternoon. I also understand that Yoga exercises can be quite good. I have tried a few but need to do them more often. Meditation also helps.
Great ideas, Judy! Thanks so much for sharing them! 🙂
Before I say anything else, I’m assuming that the exhaustion isn’t caused by depression. If so, I’d urge the person submitting this question to get some professional help. You don’t have to suffer alone. I’m speaking from first-hand experience, not judgment. Thank you for submitting this question. To add to the great advice above, I’d add two things. First, as crazy as this may sound, take a short walk, even though what you really want to do is crawl into bed and pull the covers over your head! Time and again, just taking a 20-minute walk around my neighborhood “tricked” my body into forgetting that I’m tired and reinvigorated me. It’s the fresh air, getting circulation in my body, stimulating the production of endorphins, etc. Also, to eliminate the root cause of the exhaustion, find the time and space to assess why you’re running ragged. List all the to-dos that cause you to be exhausted and categorize the items into 4 groups: “Critical/Must do,” “Important but can wait,” “Can be delegated” and “Time to say ‘no'” Sometimes when we’ve gotten into a routine, we’ve inadvertently accepted everything as critical/must do. But, really, what would happen if some of those things don’t get done, or not done as quickly? What if someone else could help or it’s time to let some things go? Hope this helps to mitigate the downward spiral of exhaustion. Love and Blessings to all, Alice
As always, Alice, a wonderfully thoughtful and helpful post. Thank you. You give so many great tips and suggestions – I’m actually going to put your system to use myself.
For me, a vacation IS usually restful. When I am on vacation, I sleep in, I read, take short hikes, don’t cook much, lounge around, sketch, journal, talk to strangers, think and sometimes shop. It gets me out of the rat race. I actually use my vacations to relax.
For me, a week long visit to relatives is NOT what I call a vacation. It is a visit where I most likely do most of the cooking. I am required to go places and do things when I would really like to relax. I don’t classify that as a vacation. A vacation is a gift I give myself. And I do relax.
Hi Candy, That’s wonderful that you are able to rest on your vacations! I find that when I’m exhausted the thought of traveling somewhere makes me even more tired just thinking about it. So when I am in this state of extreme exhaustion, taking time to rest at home and recharge my batteries is essential for me. But once I’m recharged, your vacation sounds lovely and just what I would love to do! 🙂
There are many different reasons for fatigue. As an RN the first question to ask yourself is this a temporary thing or chronic. If it is temporary then your advice is great. But if it is chronic then you need to talk it over with your doctor. There can be many different physical reasons for this. Any where from cancer to clinical depression. So your first stop would be your doctor’s office to be sure there is not something else going on with your body.
Thanks for your comment, Linda. I do think it’s a good idea to make sure the exhaustion isn’t caused by something larger than just needing to take some time to rest. Good point.
Praying for you!
Linda Kelly Lee,
First of all…why do you want to even say to someone that their fatigue might be ‘cancer’? That is not nice at all. It not nice to give bad assumptions like that to anyone. We are supposed to encourage each other with positivity and not negativity like you have displayed in your comment.
As a nurse, you should know that is the way to treat all patients.
While I appreciate that you feel it is “not nice” to mention a health problem could be the root cause of someones fatigue. It is in fact true. As stated earlier, if this is a chronic thing, happening all the time not just every once in a while it is worth making sure there is no health problem underneath. If there is a health problem it needs to be addressed asap, resting will not make it go away. There are MANY health issues that can cause fatigue, from the common cold to cancer to any auto immune disease to a vitamin deficiency.
If someone is just over worked and tired resting is a great way to get yourself back on track. If you have an illness, resting will not help you and lack of medical attention could hurt you. While using the word cancer scares most people I do not think Linda meant an offensive post by it. I certainly did not find it offensive. I feel it was a truly informative statement. In other words, hiding your head in the sand because a statement does not make you feel good could truly hurt someone who is experiencing more than the occasional fatigue.
Thanks so much for your heartfelt and thoughtful comment. I agree that it’s a good idea when feeling exhausted to make sure that isn’t caused by an underlying health problem. I know that we are all doing our best to help the person who asked the question, and these are great suggestions.
Great advice Jodi. Our world has become so hectic, not to mention in America it is considered unproductive and lazy if you are not over scheduled! Ridiculous. I actually had a client get upset with me once because I wouldn’t meet with her on a Saturday. I was so tired and just wanted a day to myself. Her reply? “Well it must be nice to live such a european lifestyle and not have to make a living!” I was so insulted to think she felt I should accommodate HER and her needs before my own. Technology has allowed us to be too connected and available at a moments notice. And if you suddenly aren’t available people are upset and frustrated.
Amanda, Sometimes no matter how accomodating you try to be- it’s never enough for some folks.
Great points, Amanda. Thanks so much for your thoughtful comment. We truly have to learn to set healthy boundaries with ourselves and everyone around us – self care is absolutely essential and isn’t negotiable. Glad you held your ground!
I dont think I can add anything to that, your advice is excellent.
Personally, when I feel life is getting to be too much, I look for “distractions”.
What I mean by “distractions” is anything that forces you to focus on how tired you are. I find the more we focus on the negative, the more negativity we get. So I try to do something out of the ordinary. Play a funny video game, or maybe put on some headphones and listen to soothing soft jazz. It could be anything.
I hope it helps. I love your blog also!
Thank you so much, Don, for your kind words and for your great advice. I completely agree that focusing on our fatigue will only lead to more fatigue. Great suggestions! 🙂
OOPS, a small error on that last post, and i couldn’t find an edit button. I meant to say anything that causes you NOT to focus on how tired you are. Sorry!
This is such an important post, Jodi. Love it. All of your suggestions are valuable and I use them weekly. At least once a week I spend a whole afternoon alone watching a movie or reading a book. It is very replenishing. So many movies have really spiritual and supportive themes, they uplift me. I also loved your feedback, Alice, very vital and practical.
That’s wonderful that you take time to replenish by reading a book or watching a movie, Lesley! I plan to do both on Sunday and can’t wait! 🙂
Just the blog I have been looking for! what a wonderful Idea! I posted it as soon as I read this to my webpage thanks!
I’m so glad you liked this, Traci! Thanks for sharing it on your page! 🙂
So true i’m so washed out all the time its unreal, keep up the good work.
Thanks, Jay. I can definitely relate – so important to schedule some downtime.
perhaps you could benefit from some vary basic lab testing…fatigue is often caused by deciencies in potassium, magnesium and/or Vitamin D. And if you live north of the Masin-Dixon line- you know sunshine is at a premium and most Northern Americans suffer from low Vit. D levels.
Great suggestions, Maureen. Thank you so much for sharing and offering your guidance.