I Deserve To Be Happy (And So Do You)

download (1)Several years ago, I read a book by Gay Hendricks called The Big Leap. In it, I was introduced to what he called our “Upper Limit Problem.”

He explains how each of us has an inner thermostat that determines how much goodness we will allow ourselves (such as love, happiness, positive feelings, etc.).

So what happens is when we go over our limit, we subconsciously bring ourselves back down in order to get back to our comfort zone. He goes on to say how our upper limit is usually set in childhood – well before we are even aware that it is happening.

As a child, I learned that too much happiness was bad.

My mom was always tired and worried and stressed, and I was constantly yelled at by my step-dad for laughing and for having fun. I was allowed to be happy to a point, but beyond that I was chastised.

If I had friends over, we would normally talk in whispers so as not to upset him. Unless we forgot (because we were kids), in which case he would scream at us to be quiet. (I eventually learned to go to their houses instead.)

He even had a rule that there was to be no laughing at the dinner table. If my sister and I did laugh, we would be sent to the laundry room. (This is where the cats ate, and he said that if we were going to behave like animals, we would eat with the animals.)

So I learned at a very young age that feeling joy wasn’t something I should want to have in my life – it was what got you in trouble.

After reading Gay’s book, I began to go through my life and notice the patterns throughout when I exceeded my happiness upper limit and needed to somehow bring myself back down to the known.

For example, when I was in college, I received a scholarship to study in France. I was so excited about this and couldn’t wait to go. But the month before I was scheduled to leave, I got so sick that I needed to be hospitalized and didn’t end up going.

When I was 19, I moved to New Mexico to attend college. For the first time in my life, I was living alone in my own apartment. I was so happy and felt like an adult. Just three months into this round of happiness, I got really sick and ended up having to move in with my mom.

When Dan and I first started dating, I was happier than I had ever been. I was in the clouds and my heart was full for the first time in my life. And just a few months into our relationship, I was in a horrible car accident – the impact of which I still feel 13 years later.

Throughout my life, I have subconsciously used illness in one form or another to bring me down into the known when I have felt “too happy.” It’s a pattern that has been with me since I was a child, and I just realized that it is still continuing.

I have been so, so happy about the Soulful Life Sanctuary. It’s my home away from home. It’s my heart, my soul, my life. It’s a culmination of everything that I have wanted to share, and it’s such a beautifully loving space. I feel such a sense of inner contentment and joy and elation and groundedness each time I’m there (which is quite often).

I have been flying so far off the ground in a loving state of bliss for the last few weeks, which has been amazing. Yesterday, however, I received some medical news that brought me right back down to the ground – that completely took the wind out of my sails. I had some moles biopsied that came back as precancerous, which means I have to have them removed and go in every three months from now on. Upon first hearing this, I was shocked and scared and felt utterly defeated.

And then I remembered (with Dan’s help) this whole upper-limit concept, which made so much sense.

I saw that this was a pattern that I’ve repeated throughout my life. And I realized that I get to decide when it stops. I get to decide if I’m going to raise my upper limit and allow myself to feel happiness. I get to decide if I’m ready to release this conditioning that I learned as a child and take back my life as an adult.

And I’m ready, so ready, to do that right now.

Because I am no longer okay with allowing someone else’s beliefs to have any bearing on how I live my life. I am no longer okay with giving away my power to someone else. And I am no longer okay with bringing myself back to the floor anytime I feel happy and full of joy.

I want my upper limit to have no upper limit. I want it to reach higher than the sky – to be completely limitless. 

Because I know how powerful our thoughts and beliefs are, I know that this is something that I can change. I know it.

And I’m so grateful for this wake-up call. It has helped me see that my upper limit was much, much lower than I realized or than I want. And now that I am aware, I can do something about it – I can raise it.

And that feels pretty great.

If you haven’t read Gay’s book, I highly recommend that you do. Whether you have read it or not though, I would love to hear how you’re planning on raising your own upper limits in the comments below.

We are all so powerful. The first step for changing any part of our lives is being aware. And recognizing where our upper limits are is a great way to break through them.

We all deserve to be happy. Really. And I’m definitely ready to claim this birthright. I hope you are, too. 



P.S. – Less than 2 weeks left to receive the $50 discount + over $800 in bonus gifts when you join the Soulful Life Sanctuary! You can read all about it here (including some loving testimonials that brought tears to my eyes): http://www.soulfullifesanctuary.com (Remember the Angel Fund is here if you would like to receive from it in order to join.)


Taking My Own Medicine

body-and-soulOh, this soul of mine is something else. It just doesn’t give up. No matter how much I ignore it or try to silence it or stuff its voice deep down, it always comes back – always with loving persistence.

Several years ago, I started down this path of listening to my soul and helping others do the same. I had many conversations with someone on the other side who said this was my life’s calling. Those conversations were followed by a dream where I saw myself being filled with love so that I could be a conduit for others – where I knew that it was my calling to share this loving energy with others.

And after a year or so of fighting this calling (“It’s too big, too much responsibility. I’m too afraid, too private, too sensitive, too _______ to do this. Choose someone else, please.”), I took a leap and decided to embrace it wholeheartedly. I decided to give absolutely everything, everything, everything I had to it. I was impassioned by it, engrossed by it, and completely immersed in it. I took it very, very seriously.

So seriously that I didn’t have time to sleep – there were too many who needed to receive this love. Too many who needed to know that they weren’t alone. Too many who were ready to see the light and just needed a loving nudge saying that it was okay to look for it.

So seriously that I didn’t have time to listen to my body – it just needed to cooperate and hang in there and give me what I needed because I was doing soul work and this was important and it was just going to have to deal with it.

So seriously that I didn’t have time to realize that my own needs mattered – that being of service to others wouldn’t work if I wasn’t first being of service to myself.

I just knew that I needed to take this message and RUN – fast and far.

I thought that this whole life thing/sharing-our-message thing/living-our-calling thing was a sprint – quicker, quicker, faster, faster, go, go, more, more!!!

And what I now am feeling at such a deep level is that it’s actually a marathon. It’s about pacing ourselves so that we’re here for the long haul – so we don’t tire out too quickly and lose steam and putter out and collapse before we reach the finish line.

Oh yeah.

This makes perfect sense, but I was too busy running and wanting to be the best messenger ever that I completely forgot about this.

Until yesterday.

I was planning on spending the day working (spreading love, hanging out in the sanctuary, inspiring, connecting, and seeing – really seeing – other beautiful souls). When I woke up, though, my soul and my body let me know that this wouldn’t be happening. I was so tired that all I could imagine doing was staying in bed. I was completely exhausted.

As much as I wanted to support others, I first needed to take some time to support myself. I had spent years being so consumed with sharing this message with others that I had forgotten to take my own medicine: 

Slow down. Connect with your soul. Honor your own needs. Show up authentically in the world. Let love flow into you and out of you. Balance Heaven and Earth. Sleep when you’re tired. Have faith in yourself, in others, and in the universe. Embrace each moment. Focus on what is working rather than what isn’t. Give yourself permission to feel joy. Rest. Listen to your body. Love, love, and love some more (others and also yourself). 

So yesterday I did this. I turned off the computer, and I rested. I took two naps. I laid on the couch and watched two movies. I read two books. I spent hours talking with Dan – about how I was feeling and how I want my life to be moving forward and how I’m no longer okay with putting my own needs on hold in order to make sure everyone else’s are taken care of.

I realized that I had been trying to offer this message in the way that I thought it should be offered rather than trusting in myself enough to know that I’ll offer it perfectly just by being me: whole, loving, well-rested me. 

Oh yeah.

Such a great reminder, right?

And that goes for all of us. Because I believe that we each have a unique calling. I believe that we are each offering love in our own way.

We have to honor our uniqueness and our sensitivities and our bodies and our energy levels and our needs in the process.

And trust, trust, trust in ourselves and in the universe and in our angels to know that we wouldn’t have been given this message to share if we weren’t the absolute perfect ones to share it in our own perfect way. 

Oh yeah.

So refreshing to remember. I’m not meant to push so hard. None of us are. I’m meant to step back and have complete faith that it’s all happening exactly how it should. The love is flowing to those who are meant to receive it.

It’s like magic. And all we have to do is show up from a rested, whole, all-loved-up space in order for this to happen.

Oh yeah.

Thank you to my soul for helping me receive this message.

Thank you to me for listening to it and letting it seep into my entire being.

And thank you to you for hearing it and hopefully taking it into your own heart.

It’s time we take all of the love that we are offering to others and give some of it to ourselves. It’s time for us to take a dose of our own loving medicine.

Oh yeah. :)

We’re SO worth it!



P.S. – Just 2 weeks left to receive the $50 discount + over $800 in bonus gifts when you join the Soulful Life Sanctuary! You can read all about it here (including some loving testimonials that brought tears to my eyes): http://www.soulfullifesanctuary.com


Letting Go and Saying No

ep514-own-sss-john-mackey-1-949x534I was watching Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday a month or so ago, which is one of my favorite TV shows. In it, she was interviewing John Mackey, the CEO of Whole Foods. While I take away little nuggets of truth each time I watch an episode, I had no idea that this particular interview would profoundly change my life.

While the entire interview was wonderful, one particular part stuck with me. He shared that while he was in college, he was taking a class where one of the assignments was to read a very long, boring book. He decided that he didn’t want to read it, so he didn’t. He then decided that he didn’t want to take the class at all, so he dropped out. He then took this one step further and decided that he wasn’t going to do anything that he didn’t want to do. So he took classes that fed his soul, received hundreds of hours in credits, and left college without a degree (since he didn’t take the classes needed to receive one). He’s stayed aware of this life motto throughout his life and still embodies it today.

I walked away from the interview feeling inspired. I knew that while I was so grateful for many aspects of my life, there were still quite a few things I was doing that didn’t feed my soul. I was still (for one reason or another) doing things that I didn’t want to do. And I set out to see if there was anything that I could let go of and say no to.

I began to look at how I felt while going through my days – who I interacted with, how I spent my time, and what was coming up on the horizon. I started to notice how my gut felt when I participated in each activity or when I thought about doing a particular task. This awareness gave me a barometer – I could tell that when I was doing something simply because I thought I had to do it, I was tight and resentful and tired. And the contrast was that when I was doing something that I truly wanted to do, I felt open and energetic and excited.

I took a look at my calendar and my tasks and my day-to-day activities and began to go through them one by one with a discerning eye. I asked myself these questions:

“Why am I doing this? (Is it coming from my head – because I think I should or because I don’t want to upset or hurt someone or because I’m afraid to let it go? Or is it coming from my heart – because I truly want to do it – because it feeds my soul?”

“How would I feel if I were no longer doing it – if it were no longer a part of my life? Relieved? Sad? Happy?”

“What would I be able to bring into my life if I let go of this particular task/activity/person?”

One by one, I began to take a clear look at my life and put each task through this filter. And this practice has been so liberating and life changing! I started to find so many things that I could say no to and let go of – from doing radio interviews and telesummits that didn’t feel quite right (but I was considering saying yes to because I thought I should or because I didn’t want to hurt anyone) to promoting things for others that didn’t sit well in my soul (that I normally would have considered simply because I didn’t want to hurt anyone or have them mad at me) to not going on a trip where the timing would create extra stress (that I was going to go on because I didn’t want to disappoint anyone) to putting off having difficult conversations (that I didn’t want to have because I was afraid of what they might think of me) to letting go of anything work-wise that kept me from the Soulful Life Sanctuary and connecting with others (which is where I want to devote all of my attention).

The list went on and on.  So once I got clear about the things that I was doing that I didn’t want to do, I started to take action. I postponed the trip. I said no to the promotions and the interviews. I had the difficult conversations. I let go of extra work commitments.

And I started to notice something: an inner strength began to emerge. While my worry was that I was going to feel horrible for saying no and for letting go, the opposite happened. I felt empowered and liberated. I felt free.

I realized that all of the things that I had been saying yes to (but didn’t really want to say yes to) were draining my energy. They were taking quality time from my connection to my soul and my connection with others. And so giving myself permission to let them go freed up circuits for things that I could say yes to (that I wanted to say yes to).

truth copy

Now, this doesn’t mean that it’s been easy to let go and to say no. There have been times in doing it where I’ve questioned everything, to be honest. I never want to hurt anyone, and throughout my life I have gone out of my way to keep the peace. But, I realized that doing this has been hurting me, which is something I’m no longer okay with. I also found that when saying no is offered with love and honesty, it usually ends up being okay. There hasn’t been as much friction as I thought there would be. And in some cases, my saying no has brought me closer to the person I was saying no to because it gave us a chance to have a deep, meaningful conversation.

But even if this weren’t the case, I would still stay on this path of arranging my life so that I don’t do anything that I don’t want to do. And while this is still in process, it’s very freeing to be making steps towards a life where I get to spend all of my time doing exactly what I want.

I do believe that it’s possible. I really do.

And not just for me, but for all of us.

We are the conscious creators of our lives, and we are such powerful beings. If something isn’t working, we can change it. If we don’t like something, we can do something about it.

We really can. We’re that powerful.

I would love for all of us to remember this. And to follow in John Mackey’s lead by taking a good look at our lives and start to say no to anything that doesn’t feed our soul. 

It’s such an empowering exercise!



P.S. – Just 3 weeks left to receive the $50 discount + over $800 in bonus gifts when you join the Soulful Life Sanctuary! You can read all about it here (including some loving testimonials): http://www.soulfullifesanctuary.com




Love Will Conquer All

loveThe night before the Soulful Life Sanctuary opened, I was feeling extremely stressed. I was trying to make everything perfect – trying to get it all just right. I was worrying about not having enough time – wondering if I needed more time before it opened. I was afraid that it somehow wasn’t going to be enough – if only I could have a few more weeks to add even more and perfect it even more and make it that much better…

I was quickly spiraling downward to the point where my stomach was in complete knots and I couldn’t think straight.

Late that night, a song came into my head. The same lines kept repeating:

“Here we are – out here, me and you. Reaching out to each other is all that we can do.

Here we stand – trying not to fall. There’s no need to worry. Love will conquer all.”

I hadn’t heard or thought of this song in almost 30 years, but its lyrics were coming back to me loud and clear. I “heard”my spirit guides tell me to go listen to it right then.  (I put quotes there because I didn’t really hear it – more of a feeling/hearing/knowing sense.)

I’ve learned over the years to pay attention when my guides speak to me, so I opened up YouTube and watched the video. It’s a song from Lionel Richie called Love Will Conquer All.

The video is ridiculously awesome, and the plot didn’t have anything to do with what I was going through. But the energy behind it helped bring me back to why I was creating the sanctuary. It helped me remember that all of the details that I was worrying about weren’t important. What mattered was that we would all have a space to go to that focused on connection and love. That we would all be seen and heard. It wasn’t about the technical issues, and it certainly wasn’t about perfection. It was about love.

Just love.

Only love.

After listening to it, my stomachache went away, and I could breathe again.

And ever since, I have been walking around in a state of love – of awe – and of gratitude. Love truly does conquer all. Lionel and my spirit guides were right on.

Just before the doors to the sanctuary opened, I watched the video again and then said a prayer. I asked that each of the members be surrounded in loving white light. I asked that I remain grounded and remember why I was asked to create this. I asked that I remain open to guidance from my spirit guides, angels, God/the universe and continue to bring forward their messages. I asked that each and every member continues to show up from their most authentic self – to feel seen and loved and heard and cherished.

I have to say that in the 24 hours since it’s been open, I have been absolutely engulfed in a constant flow of love. I have received such beautiful feedback that others are also feeling that love and taking it into their hearts. The sanctuary was created with all of the love that I had to give it, and now that love is just multiplying with all of the beautiful souls continually adding to it.

Gone were my worries and my fears and my trepidation and my need to have it all perfect.

They were replaced by love. Only love.

I am in awe.

I am in love.

Love truly does conquer all.

And that’s something that we can all take into our hearts and hold onto.

Thank you so much to each and every one of you who is on this journey with me.

I’m forever grateful.



P.S. – Here is the super cheesy video, if you would like to watch it. It makes me so happy to see it again and again! :)

(Here is the direct link: http://youtu.be/1i45qDsId1E)

P.P.S. – If you haven’t joined us yet, the Soulful Life Sanctuary is $50 off through the end of the month + you’ll receive over $800 in bonus gifts when you join! I would love for you to be enveloped by love, too! You can learn more here: http://www.soulfullifesanctuary.com

Free Soul Clarity Message + the Sanctuary is Here!

***Thank you so much to everyone who participated this month! I’ll be back to do more readings on August 1st!***

Happy July! It’s that time again where I’ll pull one Soul Clarity Card for each person who leaves a comment below!

I do this on the first day of every month, and it’s always so much fun to offer these messages straight from my soul to yours.

Before we start the messages, I wanted to share some exciting news!

The Soulful Life Sanctuary opens today at 10 am pst! (Yay!)

This is a dream come true for me, and I am so excited for you to be part of it!

If you’ve already joined us – thank you! I’ll approve your membership then, and you’ll be able to have access to all of my ecourses, the sacred spaces, the class schedule, the private Facebook group, and the entire community! We’ll be celebrating in the Facebook group all day long, so be sure to stop by from 10 am pst on! I’ll be there, along with many of the Soul Guides! Plus, I’ll be giving away some fun prizes! :)

If you haven’t joined us yet, I have good news! I’ve extended the $100 discount through the end of today! That means that if you join by 11:59 pm pst today (July 1st), you’ll receive this discounted price + over $800 in soulful bonus gifts!

I also wanted to mention that if you want to join but haven’t because of money, please email me (support@soulfullifesanctuary.com) so we can work something out (such as having you receive through my Angel Fund or extending your payments). It’s important to me that this community is available to everyone who wants to be part of it.

The virtual doors open today at 10 am pst! This is such a love-filled, soulful space where we get to connect with our soul and also each other! I can’t wait to see you inside!

Please click here to learn all about the sanctuary and to sign up! 

(Remember to do so before 11:59 pm to receive the $100 discount!)

250 membership includes earlybird copy

And now for your free Soul Clarity reading! :)


The Soul Clarity Card deck includes 48 cards to help you get clarity on what your soul wants you to know. My soul speaks to me in concise phrases, and so these cards were created with that in mind. Each card contains a guided action for you to consider – something to help you live soulfully and mindfully.

I believe that the answers are always within us, but sometimes our light gets covered up by life – all of the to-dos and the shoulds and work and errands and hurt and anger and all sorts of gunk. And it can be hard to sift through all of that and find our way home – back to our soul. These cards are a tool to help you on your journey back home.

Each card contains words that your soul needs you to hear. And whichever card you choose will be exactly the one you need in that exact moment. That’s just how it works!

I can’t wait to pull a card for you for free!

Here’s how it works: I’ll pull one card for anyone who leaves a comment at the end of the post by 11:59 pm pst today (7/1/14)! If your comment is posted before then, I promise I will pull a card for you. Each month when I open this up, I receive hundreds of requests, so please be patient with me – especially this month with the sanctuary opening today as well. (If you happen to miss this deadline, please know that I’ll do it again on 8/1.)

All you have to write is “Yes, please!” or something similar. Please don’t feel that you need to share what you are looking to heal or what you would like guidance for. You are more than welcome to, but it’s not necessary. I know that this can be very personal, and your soul and the universe already know what you need. (If you are reading this via a reader or email, please click here to be taken to the post.)

A technical tip for you: To be able to find your comment and not receive a barrage of emails by subscribing to comments, you can go to the comments page and do a search for your name. (On a PC, you press the “control” button + the “f” button.) This makes it super easy to scroll to your name and your reading. :)

Big hug to each of you.

Please spread the love by sharing this on Facebook and Twitter! 

P.S. – Be sure to join the Soulful Life Sanctuary by 11:59 pm TODAY to receive the $100 discount + over $800 in soulful bonus gifts! You can see the gifts and learn more about the sanctuary here: http://www.soulfullifesanctuary.com!

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