I went to the chiropractor the other day hoping to find relief for a shoulder injury that I’ve been dealing with for the past year. And, as it always seems to happen, I found relief…just not in the way that I had anticipated.

As I was lying face down on the exam table, the doctor said that he would be taping up my shoulder after he adjusted it. And he wanted to know what color of tape I wanted him to put on. I said that white sounded good. He laughed and said that white wasn’t one of the options. So I asked him to tell me what I could choose from. He said, “Well, we have boring beige (which no one has ever chosen), spectacular teal, vibrant purple, or fun pink.” I said that I would like to choose beige.

He was shocked, a bit taken aback, and honestly seemed disappointed that I would dare choose such a bland color. He said that because I was a writer, he was certain that I would have chosen something more exciting. I told him that I preferred to save the color for the page and enjoy a calm and “boring beige” kind of life. He shook his head and reluctantly put it on me.

And while he taped me up, I couldn’t help but think how this was a breakthrough in so many ways for me. If it had been a few years earlier, I would have sensed his disappointment and had him put on a more vibrant color simply to please him. I probably would have laughed it off and said that I had just been kidding and that of course I didn’t want to wear boring old beige. I mean, come on! I would have met him at his level of zaniness and gone toe to toe with his jokes. And yet, I just couldn’t. Because it didn’t feel authentic to who I am. And, honestly, I just didn’t want to. These days, the thought of being anyone other than who I am is simply exhausting and not something I want to be a participant in.

After spending so much of my life trying to please and not disappoint and not upset and not do whatever it is that I think I’m not supposed to do, I had finally realized that being myself – boring and beige me – is okay. It’s more than okay. It’s great, actually. Because here’s the truth: I’ve always been seen as boring to many others. I’ve always been introverted and quiet and liked staying home and living a simple life.

I recently discovered a box of old video tapes, and we bought a VCR from a thrift store so we could watch them. My sixteenth birthday party came onto the screen, and I was hanging out with my two best girlfriends just lounging around and having fun together. My brother, who is four years older, came over for a few minutes and asked, with an almost disgusted tone, whether this was the party. He, who had always loved to party (and still does), just couldn’t understand how I could be perfectly content with such a small celebration. In fact, a few years ago, he reiterated to me that I lived a very boring life, which I was so happy to hear.

Because it’s true…to others, at least. To me, it’s fascinating and rich and full of color. But it’s not flashy or showy or loud. It’s more of an internal and soft kind of fun, which feels just right to me. And thankfully I’ve found my soul family who loves me for who I am and who values and honors and appreciates me for being just me.

As I looked through my closet this morning, I saw that most of my clothes are natural tones. In fact, the most common color in my closet is “boring beige,” which I think is such a beautiful color. And I feel that we’re similar in many ways: we’re warm and inviting, we blend well, we’re soft and cozy, we’re not showy, but we’re classy and go with everything. That’s me. Boring beige. And I’m so proud of it.

As for how my shoulder is doing, well, that remains to be seen. But no matter what happens, I’m so grateful to have received this clarity.

It’s my wish that we all find the freedom in living our lives in whatever way feels most authentic. If you’re also a “boring beige” kind of person, then give yourself permission to embrace that! And if you would have chosen a brighter color, then own that, too! As long as we’re being ourselves, we truly can’t lose.

Hugs and love,

 

 

 

 

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