Like so many of us, as our year comes to an end, I’ve been reflecting on 2017 and looking toward 2018.

I get to relive many of the positive memories:

• volunteering at the animal shelter and forming such close bonds with so many precious animals,
• receiving great health news that allowed me to breathe a huge sigh of relief,
• publishing two books that I’m really proud of and creating our upcoming Your Soulful Book program for authors,
• spending time at the beach and feeling so at peace and at home there,
• laughing each day at something silly my cats have done,
• taking better care of myself and checking things off for my own well-being that have been on my priority list for years,
• feeling so grateful to be able to create a life that feeds my soul and hopefully helps others as well,
• and, as always, sharing almost every moment and falling more and more in love with my beautiful husband – seeing our love grow into something more amazing than I ever knew was possible.

I love thinking about these happy moments that always make me smile.

But, I also get to relive many of the not-so-happy moments:

• feeling deep grief over having to say goodbye to three co-authors in our 365 Book Series and several kitties at the shelter,
• feeling so powerless over so much of what’s happening in our world,
• wanting to feel healthier and feeling impatient at how long my body is taking to heal,
• and feeling disappointed in myself for not getting to the beach as often as I would have liked, for stopping my exercise routine, and for working much too much and not being more vigilant about creating a work/life balance that feels good for me.

Reviewing the year has brought up a mix of emotions in me, which is fitting because the year as a whole was a mixed bag, truth be told. And when I step back and give myself space to see it from a distance, I can see that I had a huge hand in creating a year that was filled with more pain, suffering, and heaviness than it warranted. Ouch. Not something that’s always fun to admit to.

Many years ago, when my previous relationship ended, my ex said to me that I had created the so-called prison that I was living in. And he was right. I had allowed my own walls to close in on me, and I had allowed my world to become smaller and smaller. I had allowed myself to feel chained to my life, when all I wanted to do was break free. And while I always held the key to unlock the chain, I just didn’t realize it at the time.

That conversation stuck with me, and I frequently think of it when I’m feeling heaviness and weariness and anger creep in, because it most likely means that I’m looking outside of myself for someone or something to blame instead of going within to see how I can heal from it, rise above it, and feel good again.

And I have to admit that for so much of 2017, I forgot that I held the key to my own happiness. For so much of it, I allowed myself to get sucked into feeling disempowered, afraid, and overwhelmed. I gave my freedom away to all of the scary news in the world and to the unhealthy but comfortable habits of diving into work and forgetting about my own self-care.

I veered off track for a little while. And that’s the truth. It happens to so many of us at one point or another. Because we’re human. And you know what? It’s okay. Because guess what? We have the ability to recognize this and love ourselves enough to get back on track – whatever that means for us. We each hold the key to our own happiness, which I love knowing.

So while it’s true that I went missing for a little bit here and there in 2017, I’m here now. And I’m so ready to go into 2018 with a renewed faith in myself and in my own ability to live a life that makes me happy, to love myself extra when I veer off course, and to patiently bring myself back to a life that feels good time and time again. I love knowing that we each get to decide what to focus on and give our attention to.

For me, I am saying goodbye to 2017 feeling so much gratitude that it helped me get to this place that I’m at right now: one of clarity and a renewed commitment to my own happiness. Had things not gone the way they had, I may not have ended the year with such a strong urge to take better care of myself moving forward. So I truly am thankful.

I’m so excited about 2018. While I’m looking forward to bringing many dreams to life – both personally and professionally – what I’m looking forward to the most is how I feel each step of the way. I’m looking forward to finding the focus and the freedom to live a life that feels the most like home and that brings me the most joy. I know that so much of how I feel and so much of what I do is up to me. And I want to always remember that I hold the key to my own happiness. We all do.

Hugs, love, and happy holidays,