I was watching a TV show the other day where a couple on their honeymoon decided to play a game of ping pong on the beach. The setting was gorgeous. On the sand. Close to the waves. They were newly married. Relaxing and having fun. (At least at the start of the game.) As it progressed, though, the husband stopped having fun when his score fell behind, and he became extremely competitive and did everything he could to win. His wife didn’t care about winning. She just wanted to make a memory together. Well, after getting into a huge fight, they certainly made a memory – just not the happy one she was hoping for.

Watching this made me feel really sad. I wanted to shout to them that none of this matters. I wanted to remind them that they are walking through this life together – side by side. They were on the same team – even when they played a game where they needed to stand on opposite sides of the table.

Dan and I play games together constantly – at least one a day. We’ve kept up this ritual for almost 15 years, and it’s something that we both look forward to. It grounds us and is a great way to connect. We usually start with Wii games because we like the physical activity that’s done in a fun way, and then we move on to either a card game or a boardgame. While we enjoy the friendly competition and always give each game our all and do our best to win, we also always cheer the other on. We always want the other to do well. And we always remember that what’s good for one is good for the other. I can’t even remember who won what half the time. But what I do remember is the fun that we always have and the many memories that we’ve made.

We once were playing a Wii game where you compete in Guinness World Record events and try to get the best score. Obviously it’s just pretend, and we have a lot of fun attempting to mimic the actual events through our TV screen. After playing several rounds and feeling my body remind me that I needed to sit down and take a break, I started thinking about how much time and effort it would take to actually be the best at these events in real life. And then I started thinking about what it would take to be the best at anything at all. And just thinking about all of that exhausted me.

We have recently gotten completely hooked on a TV show called “Child Genius.” In it, kids from around the country compete and go through truly grueling rounds of mental gymnastics, strength, and endurance to find out who will be crowned the smartest, the best. I am in awe of their ability to even be able to comprehend most of the questions, much less somehow figure out the correct answer to them. The amount of pressure that these kids put on themselves is huge, and I just want to reach out to them all and hug them – to let them know that it’s okay if they don’t win. To let them know that they are already amazing.

In a small way, I can empathize with them. While I certainly am not a genius and don’t know what it’s like to be the absolute best at anything in the country or the world, I do know what it’s like to put loads and loads of pressure on myself. I spent many years trying to reach some sort of abstract “best” – some sort of “pie in the sky” award or validation that I felt I should be moving toward. I strived to be the best student, the best entrepreneur, the best writer, the best singer, the best pet mom, the best wife, the best everything. And after completely exhausting myself with this fruitless notion and missing so much of my life along the journey, I realized that it’s just not possible.

I realized that the only thing that I would ever, ever, ever be the absolute best at is being myself. No one else in the entire world can be a better me than I can be. I have that down. I could compete with every single person on this planet for this award and would win every single time. And what I love about knowing that is that I don’t have to study or strive or cram or put pressure on myself to achieve this. I don’t have to do anything at all. That just feels much easier. And I’m finding that the older I get, the more I love the word “easier,” and the more I try to fill my days with anything and everything that helps my life to flow, to feel good, to be easy. I still will do my best at whatever it is I feel passionate enough to try, but without the pressure and the stress and the constriction. And if I do end up winning something along the way, that will be a sweet bonus to an already happy and fulfilled life. And that sure feels good to me.

Hugs,

 

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