Here is the creek we crossed, and the ocean is just on the other side of the hill.

I lost a loved one several years ago, and today is the anniversary of his funeral. His death woke me up. Before then, I had sort of been sleepwalking through life – just going through the motions. I had allowed all of life’s pain to pile up on top of my heart and couldn’t seem to dig my way out. And then he died and began communicating with me from the other side. (Something that I had never experienced before then and didn’t even believe was possible.) We had so many wonderful conversations, and he helped me reconnect with the beauty of being here on Earth – of being human. He helped me remember that I was here for a reason, and he gave me the confidence to reach my dreams with one message that he shared over and over again: “Go for it.”

At first, I had no idea what he meant by this phrase. Go for what? And then I realized that he wanted me to live – fully live. To not let fear control me. To engage, to be an active participant, to have dreams and then reach them, to feel joy and then share it, and to wake up and realize what a gift being here truly was. I took his advice to heart and have since reached many of my dreams and have become a much happier person. And I continually thank him for giving me such a beautiful gift.

I woke up at 3 a.m. the other night and was just staring into the dark room – hoping that I would fall back to sleep sooner rather than later. And then I noticed our motion light flashed green three times in a row. I wasn’t moving. Dan wasn’t moving. And no cats were with us. Nothing was moving. It was the anniversary of the day he died, and I had been wondering if he would send me a sign. I hadn’t felt his presence as strong in recent months, so I knew that it wasn’t a given that he would come through. Green means “go.” And I truly believe that the light was his way of letting me know that this he’s still with me, still cheering me on, and still wanting me to go for it.

Two days later, Dan and I spontaneously decided to check out a new park, which is right by the ocean. We walked along the trail and came to a creek. I realized that we would have to cross some logs to get to the ocean on the other side. When I was young, I slipped while walking over a log and got really hurt. Ever since then, I’ve been terrified of having that happen again and have always avoided them. But the ocean was calling me, and this was the only way to get there. I literally crawled across and then stood up and took a big leap to the other side. It felt amazing! And… a sweet sea lion was there to greet us once we made it over the dunes and to the water. He was so cute – we stood on the shore and waved, and he kept looking at us each time he surfaced to make sure we were still watching. I went for it. And it felt so good!

I’m just getting ready to finish my memoir about my time in silence. I’m excited about it and also a bit scared about what the reaction will be. I’m sharing more of myself in this book than I have ever shared publicly before, and I feel extra exposed and vulnerable because of it. So this message to go for it is especially timely for me. To remember that it’s okay to show up for my life and to stretch myself and to take a leap of faith. It’s okay. It really is. And knowing that I have so much love and support both here and on the other side makes it that much easier.

So I’m going for it. And I’ll continue going for it. And I hope you will, too. It just feels amazing when we do.

Hugs,

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