I’ve been in a bit of a funk lately.

I would love to say that it’s because I’m not sleeping well or because I am entering my third month of spending almost all of my time on the couch while recovering from adrenal fatigue. I would love to be able to sort of blame this funk on something outside of myself.

And while I’m sure these external circumstances are contributing to it, I know that it wouldn’t be accurate to point the finger completely at them.

There’s a reason why I’ve been moving fast for so many years. There are feelings that I’ve long been avoiding. I’ve known this, and I did my best to outrun them. But it seems that all of this running just made me extra tired and less resistant to feeling them.

I know that I’m not alone in this. So many of us are moving so, so fast: running away from one pain or another. And, now that I’ve had all of this time to slow down and sit with my feelings and really explore them, I’m seeing that it’s not all that fun, to be completely honest. There’s a reason why we run. Who wants to deal with mountains of hurt and anger and sadness? It’s normal to want to push these emotions aside or try to plow through them or attempt to ignore them completely.

I get it. I really do.

I’ve tried each of these methods for many, many years. And what I’m finding is that the only way to release them is to be brave enough to be with them. To slow down for long enough to allow yourself to feel them. To explore them and find out what you are meant to learn from them. To see how you can expand because of them. To love yourself extra as you move through them – one by one.

What we resist truly does persist. And this pain that I’ve been resisting goes back years and years and years. I feel like I’ve gotten myself into quite a dark place in many ways. And I’m realizing (as a result of all of this stillness that I’ve been practicing) that I’m the only one who can pull myself into the light.

I have the most loving husband, the most supportive mom, amazing friends, beautiful angels and spirit guides, and an entire support system who wants nothing more than to lift me up and help me soar. (And I’m so grateful for each of you – truly!)

But I am seeing that this is my pain. These are my emotions. And there are some things that I’m meant to move through on my own. At least for the first few steps. At least for now.

I want to feel whole again. I want to feel light again. I want to feel joyful again. I want to feel free again.

And I know on such a deep level that this stillness will bring me back home. I can feel it. And in order to get there, I have to actually be still, be silent, and be open to feeling whatever feelings come up. I have to be willing to explore them, to love them, to honor them, and to release them.

In case you’re in a similar place, I thought I would share some of the ways that I’m pulling myself up: 

1. I’m honoring where I am. I’m no longer resisting it or trying to sugarcoat it or mask it. I’m remembering that wherever I am is completely okay.

2. I’m making space to feel. I’m slowing down (not just physically, but also mentally). I’m allowing these old (almost forgotten) emotions to surface.

3. I’m giving myself permission to feel – really feel. I’m giving myself permission to explore what’s underneath all of the running.

4. I’m releasing these emotions – most of which are stale and outdated and are no longer a part of my present life anyway.

5. I’m remembering that I’m allowed to be happy. I’m remembering that I’m allowed to feel joy. I’m remembering that I’m allowed to be vibrant and at peace and completely elated about my life.

6. I’m allowing myself to return to the light – my home, my essence, my truest self. This is where I want to spend my time. And releasing these emotions is a beautiful way to get there. And knowing that feels really, really good.

I love knowing that I have the power to create my life. And it’s through this honest exploration that I am able to create a life that makes me happy and whole – that makes me feel alive. And that’s what I wish for all of us. We all deserve that.

By the way, I share so honestly and openly here on Soul Speak because it’s my hope that in doing so, those who are going through a similar experience will know that they aren’t alone. I also share this vulnerably here because I believe that if we’re going to truly connect, we have to connect from our truth – whatever that is. We’re all multifaceted, and we all go through phases of life – some more up than down and some more down than up. And I want each of us to realize at a deep level that each phase is valid and each phase is filled with so much wisdom. Each phase is meant to be embraced and honored and loved. Just as we are.

Hugs,

P.S. – I’m filling in the Soul Speak advertising calendar for 2015 and am offering more than ½ off a sponsorship package – there are just a few spots left! The great thing about this is that you don’t even have to have everything ready yet – this is just to reserve your space. And that gives you time to create a product or an event or an opt-in gift that you feel great about! Becoming a Soul Speak sponsor is a great way to spread the word about what you’re up to with thousands. You can learn all about it and reserve your space here: https://www.jodichapman.com/soulspeaksponsor