Have you ever been given a wonderful opportunity that you were really excited about – something that you have dreamed of, worked hard for, and couldn’t wait to pursue?

And just when you were ready to leap toward this opportunity, a voice inside of you said, “Just forget it. You’ll probably screw it up.” And just by hearing these words, your confidence immediately crumbled. You began to question whether you were truly ready for this change – whether you would ever be ready. Instead of leaping toward this new life, you retreated back into your old one. You settled for the mundane – the known – the mediocre.

If this sounds at all familiar, you’re definitely not alone.

Change can be scary. Reaching for our dreams can be scary. Pushing out of our comfort zones can be scary. So during these moments of potential transition, it makes perfect sense that our inner critics would throw a temper tantrum or try to dissuade us from stretching. This part of us is desperately trying to get us to realize that we should just stay the same. It tells us that there is no need to change – things are fine the way they are.

I recognize this voice all too well. It is the voice that has guided me for almost my entire life. The voice that kept me protected also kept me from really enjoying my life. It kept me from experiencing great joy and leaping forward into exciting opportunities. By listening to this voice, I allowed myself to stay small and safe in fear’s tight grasp. Instead of stretching and pursuing my wildest dreams and deepest desires, I clung to the known and retreated back to safety. Throughout my life I have allowed my critic to take me out of the game of life before I am even a part of it.

Is this voice in the driver’s seat of your life, too? Have there been opportunities that you passed up because of fear? Have you ever let the ball drop on your dream simply because your inner critic thought it was too much of a stretch for you?

What would your life look like if you pushed your inner critic aside and leaped over it – soaring to new heights?

You can. I know this for sure because I have begun this process, and I know you can, too.

Here are five steps to get you started: 

1. Recognize this voice for what it is – the part of you that wants to keep you safe. This voice sees new experiences as scary experiences. It loves the known. It wants nothing more than to see you living a comfortable life where you never are at risk of failing. And when you can really see that this voice is not trying to hurt you – rather that it is coming from a place of love – you will immediately be able to re-frame the way you look at it.

2. Write down how fear has changed the outcome of your life. Take out a piece of paper, and draw a line down the center. On the left-hand side, list some of the times throughout your life when you listened to your critic and chose not to pursue your dreams. On the right-hand side, write down what your life may have looked like if you had taken a risk and followed your dream. This is a great way to see in black and white how fear has kept us from living our ideal life. It’s an opportunity to become conscious and take responsibility for our role in creating our lives. Now we can begin to be more aware of our patterns and default settings and push ourselves when similar opportunities arise.

3. Ask yourself, “What is the worst and the best that could happen if you take a risk and go for your dream?” Take out another piece of paper, and draw a line down the center. Write your dream or an opportunity that you would like to pursue at the top. On the left-hand side, write down the worst thing that could happen if you didn’t pursue this dream. On the right-hand side, write down the best result that could happen if you did pursue it. So often when we hear our inner critic listing all of the reasons why we shouldn’t take the leap toward our dreams, we listen without taking time to dissect the argument. And many times when we do delve in and start going through each reason, we find that there isn’t really any substance behind them. Only fear of the unknown. Fear of looking silly. Fear of failing. But the possibility of succeeding is just as likely as any of these fears – probably even more so. And in most cases, when we write down the absolute worst thing that could happen as a result of this, the best thing that could happen far outweighs it.

4. Learn to love your inner critic. This voice is not your enemy; in fact, it keeps you safe and secure. There is definitely a time and place to let your critic be heard. So when the time is appropriate, listen to this voice. You can even choose to give it a name as a way to get to know this part of you better. Being aware of when it is truly keeping you from harm (for good reasons) and when it is keeping you from your dreams (due to fear) is a crucial step in reining in this voice and taking back your life. Know that when your critic shows up, it means you’re getting out there and taking risks. If you never heard this voice, that would mean that you were remaining comfortable and safe and never venturing out. So use your inner critic as a barometer for whether you are truly living.

5. Have faith in yourself and your dreams. Keep moving forward toward your dreams. Don’t let your inner critic and the fear that comes along with it stop you from living the life you want to live. The more we allow our critic to call the shots, the more powerful it becomes. The more we stop going for our dreams because this voice tells us that they are too far out there, too scary, too impossible to achieve, the harder it is to start up and begin reaching again. Keep moving forward no matter what this voice says. 

Always remember that you are in control of your own destiny. Your inner critic is here to protect you, to keep you safe. You get to decide how much power and air time this voice will get. When my own inner critic pops up, I listen to it, thank it for showing up, and then push it aside. I have too many dreams that need to be realized. And so do you.

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