Sometimes I have a hard time settling down – unwinding – being still. This may seem funny since I am the writer behind this blog, which is all about getting quiet and allowing our inner voice to guide us. This is definitely a case of realizing my humanness and writing about what I would like to integrate into my life. 🙂
My life has been moving even quicker than normal lately, and I knew that downtime was so desperately needed. So I let my soul guide me, and I took an impromptu day off yesterday. I promised myself that I wouldn’t work at all. I wouldn’t even open my computer. I would just rest and veg out and relax and give my mind a break.
So that’s what I did.
But instead of feeling relaxed or mindful, I felt an inner nervousness and unsettling. I felt like I wanted to find something to do – that just being still and resting somehow wasn’t enough. This open space and unscheduled time in my day wasn’t comfortable for me, and I didn’t like feeling so lost.
Thankfully, between my soul and my wonderful husband, I talked these feelings through and I began to see that they were here because I thrive on routine and structure – it’s safe to me. And without them, I feel out of sorts and unsure of what to do with myself.
And so rather than try to “fix” feeling this way, I simply observed it. And I allowed these feelings to move through me and out of me. And I let go of any expectation of how I wanted the day to go, and how joyful I wanted myself to be. I gave myself permission to be wherever I was.
My soul is pretty powerful, and it has been begging me to rest for quite awhile now. It reminded me in this moment of uncertainty why I was doing this in the first place.
I don’t want to feel like a slave to my work – to my computer – to this yang energy – to needing to feel productive – to having to DO.
I want to relax into the openness. To allow myself to just BE. To create space in my life that isn’t scheduled or structured – to be okay with it. To be able to embrace being still and meditating and lying around simply for the sake of lying around.
I want that.
And what I found yesterday is that after the initial shock wore off of not being sure of what to do or how to act, I was able to relax into it. And I began to joyfully sink into this space of relaxation and unstructured space.
I remembered that the only way we can change our patterns and routines is to CHANGE our patterns and routines. Simply wishing that things would be different just isn’t enough. And that may mean that you feel uncomfortable and restless and uncertain while in the midst of these changes. And that’s okay. That’s normal. Sometimes when we start feeling this discomfort, we turn around and immediately go back to our old ways – our safety zone.
But what if we didn’t? What if we continued moving toward our soul’s calling in spite of feeling unsure of where we were heading? What if we allowed our inner voice to call the shots, and we trusted that it would never lead us anywhere that we didn’t want to be?
What if we allowed ourselves to change – embraced changed – welcomed change?
I am so grateful that I didn’t give up on resting when it started to feel uncomfortable. I am so happy that I stuck with it and came through to the other side of being able to embrace it fully.
And that’s available to each of us. For me, it’s relaxing into the openness – being okay with downtime. For you, it may be something else. But what ties them together is accepting where you are and allowing yourself to move through the discomfort and come out to where you want to be.
That’s what I wish for us all.
And it’s such a beautiful feeling when we can sink into this space of change – this space that our soul so desperately and lovingly is asking us to embrace.
For me, I ended up spending the entire day on the couch watching a tv series with my sweetie – only getting up for bathroom breaks and snack refills.
And it was absolutely marvelous and so very decadent. And exactly what I needed.
I would love for you to listen to your soul, too. What do you need? What is your soul asking you to change? Would you be willing to start taking steps toward making this change?
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Hugs,
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I think I’m too good at relaxing sometimes! I can literally just stare at a wall for an hour and daydream. But I know what you’re saying. Sometimes taking a break feels lazy and wasteful. And I definitely agree with the relaxing into the change, into the moment, even if it doesn’t feel good. When I came out of lung surgery not too long ago I was in dire pain and I found that just breathing into it helped ease it. It’s a kind of living meditation.
I would LOVE to get where you are, Cassandra, and just feel comfortable relaxing. My husband is similar to you and I think it’s so great! I’m so glad you’re okay after your surgery. I tend to be a shallow breather and this is such a great reminder to inhale deeply and gratefully. 🙂
I recognised this so much! In fact, when I decided to have a long weekend a few weeks ago, this described the Friday perfectly – jittery, anxious, wanting to do. Here was my soul’s take on it: When you’ve forgotten how to relax, it’s a sign that you need to do more relaxing and get back into practice! x
You are SO right, Donna! Your soul is very wise. I hope we can both continue listening to it and slowing ourselves down. 🙂
“Allowing yourself to move through the discomfort” seems to be key. For me, it’s learning new ways to move through discomfort; practices of presence that enrich and enliven so that the journey “through” is not a struggle, but a joy. (So far the practices that feels most effective is breath work with gratitude–potent combination). I am glad you listened to your soul, and relaxed! And, I’m glad you shared this, because it’s a wonderful reminder, it’s all *practice*.
You’re so right, Joy! We KNOW what works best and we know that it would be beneficial to listen to our wise self, but actually doing it and slowing down is sometimes a different story. I have also found breath work to be one of the quickest, easiest ways to come back to the present and to slow down the anxiousness. Mixing this with gratitude is definitely a winning combination!
Jodi:
What a great post. That push pull between what my soul needs and what I think I am supposed to do happens to me often. Relaxing into openness reminded me to give my soul more space to be xo Tanya
Hey Tanya! I’m so happy that this post helped you today. There is something so soothing about relaxing into the openness for me. And I’m rooting both of us on to allow ourselves to be in this space. 🙂
I can definitely relate to struggling to relax, Jodi. I’ve been taking more time off lately, and have found it’s almost harder than working hard! In fact, I’ve tended to “over schedule” my down days, even filling them to the brim with things like meditation. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Hi Jessica!
It sounds like we have a lot in common! 😉 I, too, feel much more comfortable when my days are over-scheduled. It’s the norm, and I don’t get that antsy feeling at all. But… I know that the downtime is where I need to get comfortable with. The open space where there is nothing to do. And I think we can both get to a place where we not only crave this but enjoy it while we’re in it. 🙂
I could have written this. I can never just “be”. I always need something “useful” to do. Even though I know my body and mind crave silence, doing nothing, doing whatever I feel like in the moment. Sparetime is so sparse so somehow I also fill that with my “to do” list. I am aware of this but indeed very hard to put into practise. Well it is almost weekend, so I am going to take your example…and relax a little. I hope one day I can make a habit of it. But first stap first and babysteps. Thank you for sharing.
Hi Charissa!
As you know, I can totally relate to everything you just wrote. And I completely agree that baby steps are so important when we’re creating a new habit. We don’t have to all of a sudden become zen masters. But we can take some time each day that isn’t scheduled – where we can just BE. And that feels good to me. Anytime I feel resistance to something, I know that it needs to be looked at. Have a wonderful time relaxing this weekend – even for a little bit! 🙂
This is a great reminder. Just BEing has been known to work miracles in my life.