Shared Wisdom Featuring Kristine Carlson
If you are a mom, you are in for a special treat today!
We all remember the Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff series of books, right? I remember when the first one came out, I immediately fell in love with it. The wisdom was so simple and yet powerful and profound. The late Richard Carlson had such an amazing soul, and his ability to get to the heart of it all and help us grow from each experience was truly inspirational. He and his equally amazing wife, Kristine, wrote books in this series together while he was alive, and for the first time in nine years, Kristine has come out with a new book in the series just for moms! If you are ready to live with less stress and more happiness, this is definitely a must read!
She shares an excerpt from it below!
Just for a moment, take this in fully, and say it to yourself: “I don’t have to be the perfect mother.” How many times have you carried the burden of thinking you have to live up to some ideal “fairy-tale” image of a good mother? One who is relentlessly kind, patient, wise, nurturing, good-tempered, inexhaustibly energetic, a fine cook and home- maker, a multi-tasker—that person few of us have ever actually met who “can do it all”? That’s not to say that, as mothers, we shouldn’t strive to be the best examples for our children that we can be, but we do them a disservice when we hide our mistakes, don’t allow them to see our flaws, or don’t apologize when we’ve been wrong. We need them to see the world as multi-dimensional, and that means the people in it, as well. Give yourself permission to be authentic and to express yourself completely as a mom. When we do so, we relieve not only our own stress to live up to impossible standards, but we help our kids to see that they don’t have to be perfect, either. When we make space for imperfection and mistakes, we give our kids a chance to deepen themselves and to become more true to themselves and real as they grow up. Abandoning perfectionism is such a relief for us, and them.
One of the ways in which we can show our humanness is to own our mistakes and bear witness to humility. If you hold yourself too high on the proverbial pedestal, not only do you alienate your kids, but also it can be a long way down when you fall. If, on the other hand, you admit to your errors or become more transparently yourself, you not only avoid a fall but also teach your kids important lessons. Many times, we make excuses or blame others when things go wrong instead of accepting responsibility for our shortcomings (and I emphasize “short”-comings). Transparency allows your children to see you exactly as you are, and promotes the deepest kind of connection. It is also a show of true self-confidence and self-love that you accept yourself as you are, in all of your humanness.
Oftentimes, when our kids push the limits of our patience, we blow. Whether we are dealing with a toddler or a teen, as parents we set boundaries for our kids, and when they cross those boundaries we issue consequences. But sometimes we get so caught up in the moment that our anger or frustration overwhelm our sense of perspective, and we go too far. We say things like “You are grounded for the rest of the school year.” When dealing with children, especially teens, it’s very easy to overreact (although I had a few quarrels with my little ones, too.) Once we’ve cooled down, we see it, but we’re usually too embarrassed to make amends, to say that we spoke thoughtlessly or even cruelly or to roll back a consequence that really didn’t fit the crime. We fear that we’ll look silly; that we’ll lose our authority and that our children won’t respect us again. But there is a better way. You can admit to your kids that you lost it, and say: “I’m not apologizing for giving you a consequence but I am sorry for how I lost my patience and for what I said (or the severity of the consequence).” You are showing your child that life is filled with mistakes and imperfection, and that we don’t always learn from the things we do right. Oftentimes, we learn from the things we do wrong. Maturity is about taking responsibility, and knowing that no one is perfect all the time, and that we can always come back from a mistake. Teach them that all perfection really means is that you’ve recognized an opportunity to take steps to do or be better. In the real world, that’s truly all we can do.
Richard and I use to joke together: “I’m not okay. You’re not okay. But, it’s okay.” As we show our kids that we are fallible and willing to make amends for our mistakes, we show them a vulnerability that aligns us with the rest of humanity. What a relief! Shed your cloak of invulnerability today. Doing so will let your uniqueness as a parent shine, while giving your kids permission to be human, too. It’s a great feeling to know that we are all perfectly imperfect, just as we are.
Kristine Carlson is an international bestselling author and a leading expert on love, success, grief, happiness, and parenting in the “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff” wisdom. Along with her late husband, Dr. Richard Carlson, Kristine has experienced phenomenal success with the “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff” series. Kristine has been featured on national radio and television broadcasts, including The Today Show, Empowered Living Radio, The View, and The Oprah Winfrey Show.
Excerpt from Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff for Moms. Used with permission from Kristine Carlson. Copyright Carlson, LLC, 2012.
Love this!
One way I’ve chosen to stress less and be a happier mom is to really hone in on my intuition when I’m parenting my daughter. Intuition never lies. Many people have 10,000 opinions and advice regarding motherhood and how you should do x,y & z, but at the end of the day I filter all that through my 6th sense and go from there.
I really don’t sweat the small stuff that much anymore. My daughter is 3.5 years old and I’m enjoying her as she is.
Wow – great topic! I don’t freak out any more if my kids eat something that I wouldn’t call “organic, gourmet health food.” I’ve learned that everything is ok in moderation and that my kids are still going to be healthy, happy and intelligent if they watch a little bit of T.V. once in awhile. I also realized how important it is to teach my kids about loving yourself enough to have hobbies and follow your dreams. They come to my poetry readings (depending on the time of the event) and I tell them about my blog and workshops. They’re still young (4.5 and 2) but they’re watching. Even when I freak out and say a curse word…they’re watching and listening. That’s why I smother them with I love you’s and tell them I’m sorry. I’m learning to accept myself as imperfect and have no problem saying “Mommy made a mistake!”
I stopped making breakfast and lunch everyday for them. They are old enough to do it on their own and I HATE cooking! From that, both my daughter and son have learned how to cook wonderful meals that we all enjoy. It turned out to be a win win situation.
Kel
I admit to myself and my kids that I am not always ok, that I need time sometimes too, and that’s ok.
Well, First…Thank You Ms. Chapman for your Inspirational Site…and your article on Mrs. Carlson and her new book, Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff for MOM’S….Well, I’m a DAD (Proud) and a “Old PaPa” (Love’n It)…So I Hope I’m not Chastised (sp) for making a comment….it seems “WE THE PEOPLE” or get’n more and more away from the Old KISS theroy….Keep It Simple Silly…in that me, posting on Your site at Mrs. Carlson’s Book…Not Be’n A MOM…and at the same time the controversary of War on Women…. Women Play’n Golf in the Masters…on n on n on…What’s Happening To Us As a People…As I said, I’m a DAD & a PaPa….Believe Me I “SWEAT” about a lot, I Do, or Haven’t Done….I Pray A Lot…What I can Say For Sure…Is That I Love Reading Mrs. Carlson’s Inspirations/Words Of Wisdom….KISS it…It All Helps Me….and NO DOUBT,MOM’S and Many Others….I’m thankful for Her Sharing/Caring/Loving….She Is “Genuine” (sp) Oh, my spelling is not the best either, but I say what I mean, and all that stuff….Well, enough said at this for now….I look forward to reading o your site as well….God Bless You, and Mrs. Carlson and Congrats on Her New Book…I know it will be LOVED…..Namaste….as She Taught Me…
I appreciate this so much – loved the “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff” and have shared it with many friends and family! I absolutely love a neatly, organized home – just makes me feel good and smile. But as we all know, with children (and I only have one) is impossible. I now do not worry about it, especially throughout the week. I don’t pressure my dear one to pick up everything and don’t expect myself to do so everyday. Things aren’t so neat, but we do enjoy our time together without the pressure of constantly picking up. My little one has also learned, naturally, through watching me, to pick up some of the more intrusive messes (pathways and living room floor) before moving on to another activity or prior to going to bed – I don’t have to tell her, I love watching her! We definitely pick up and do a thorough cleaning on Thurs/Fri so that the weekend is fresh!
Again, thank you for this post and your continued inspiration!
Fab topic – the way I choose to stress less as a mum is to take each day as a new day and try not to beat myself up over small mistakes. Also by living in the moment – good and bad we are teaching our children that life just is full of emotions and ups and downs and the best way to demonstrate that is by moving forward, acknowledging the slip ups, having a laugh about it and saying I love you every day to my little boy- he is growing into a wise sweeter little boy because of it! love this website and topics.. thanks for the chance to share ….. xxx
Great topic. I find it is incredibly helpful to both parent and child to offer a heartfelt apology when I overreact. My son appreciates that I admit that I did wrong and learns that it is ok to admit to our mistakes, and I empowered by holding myself accountable for my mistakes. It also reinforces to both parent and child that parents don’t have all the answers and that we make mistakes too.
I have learned to destress by listening to my own instincts when it comes to my children. We have kids that have really tested us and it was amazing all the different advise that people want to give you even though they had not been in the same situation. I have learned to take a deep breathe get in touch with myself and my kids and decide what to do next and let go of idea that I need anyone to agree or approve. I am greatful to find “tribes” of woman to relate to and to find peace of mind and encouragement from on sites like this
What a cool book!
My way of less stress… Toast for dinner is ok.
Xx
Thank you so much, everyone, for your great answers! It sounds like you are all doing an amazing job at stressing less and living more.
Congratulations to Lizzie for winning this giveaway!