There are some posts that I write that make me feel a bit queasy when I publish them. I am already feeling that about this one, and I haven’t even written it yet.

I feel an unsettling inside of me. Like the real me is trying so desperately to emerge from this cocoon held together by the me that I thought I was – the me that I tried to be – the me that no longer feels like me.

Do you feel this way, too?

As hard as this authentic me has been pushing through the barriers – wading through the many layers of protection that have kept it hidden for so long, my comfortable, afraid self has been pushing this realness – this rawness in me down – knowing that if I allow it to fully come to the light – be born – I will have to change. My life as it is will no longer be an option. And that scares me.

Talking about creating a life that I am proud of and actually living that life are two completely different things. For the last year, I have been preparing myself for my new life. I have written extensively about it here. I have taken a few steps forward and several steps back. I have felt brave one minute and terrified the next. And I honestly feel like throwing up right now, which tells me that I am hitting a real nerve. If I am truly going to grow and allow my soul to call the shots, I have to leap into the unknown. Not write about it or think about it or talk about it – but actually do it. Have tangible proof that I have done it.

So that’s where I am today.

I am here now – before me, you, and the universe. I am standing strong in my belief that this life – the way I have been living it – is no longer an option for me. I am committing to making the leap once and for all – no more retreating into comfort. I am a writer, an inspirer, a connector, a supporter, a blogger, and a friend. What no longer fits into this life – my life – is running a gift business. One that I have so loved – one that I truly feel is like a child to me. One that I have both cherished and resented. One that I allowed to keep me safe, but also allowed to stunt my growth. I adore the connections that I have made through it. I adore the products that I have created and put into the world because of it. But, in moments of complete honesty, I realize that I have moved on energetically – I am simply going through the motions. I know that the only reason I am still here is because I have been afraid to leap into the unknown. I have been afraid of not knowing how I will get by financially. I have been afraid of so many what ifs.

There is something about embarking on a new year that brings up the possibilities and the paths we can take, isn’t there? I have to be completely honest with myself and recognize that I am tired of this path. I have done it for seven years, and I was so passionate about it for a long time. And I am so grateful for all of the steps that it gave me to bring me right where I am today. But continuing to stay in this role of business owner is keeping me from moving toward the next phase, which I want to embrace with every ounce of my being. I want to write. And if I am so lucky as to inspire others through my writing, then I know that it has all been worth it.

I want to soar. And I don’t feel that I can do that with this heavy weight keeping me on the ground.

Writing this down and knowing that you all are reading is a good step for me. It will hold me accountable to take action steps and make some big changes. I don’t want to look at my life a year from now and be in the same position. I don’t want to wish that I had written my book but instead spent all of my time filling orders and gluing journals. I don’t want to feel that I was too afraid to step into this calling. I don’t want to ignore the tap on the shoulder that the universe has been giving me for over a year. I don’t want my time to share what’s in my soul to wait another moment.

So there it is. Thank you for supporting me during this transition. Thank you for being there for me through this past year of change and uncertainty. I feel that this is the final leap, and I am so grateful knowing that you all here. So grateful.

As this year winds down, and we set our sights on a new one – let’s all spend some time reflecting on our lives and really being honest about whether we are truly living the life that we want to be living. Do you feel called to travel down another road? Are you staying comfortable rather than embracing the unknown? Do you, too, feel queasy just thinking about venturing forward and soaring into new territory? Do you want to put your soul in the driver’s seat, push through the fear, and take that leap?

If so, please join me – let’s hold hands and leap into the unknown together! Let’s let the universe know that we are serious! Let’s show ourselves that we are truly committed to being completely authentic, and we will do whatever it takes.

Are you in?

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