Welcome to Ask Away!
Each week I choose one of your questions and do my best to offer guidance and support to help you along your journey. I also encourage everyone who is reading this to offer their words of wisdom as well by leaving a comment at the end. Please click here to learn more about this feature.
And now for the question:
After making the decision to let go of my familiar circle of friends who were no longer supportive or nourishing to my soul, how do I create a loving social circle with like-minded kindred spirits?
This reader (who chose to be anonymous) wrote in the above question and is feeling stuck living in the same area with her former friends and isn’t quite sure how to go about finding kindred spirits who will fill her soul. She has asked the universe to send her kind souls, and I commend her for stepping forward and asking for support and guidance – it’s a great step toward creating a new circle of friends.
So many of us can relate to this question – myself included. I know how painful it can be to feel alone and isolated from your friends – many of whom have been your friends for years. They are familiar – comfortable – known. And yet, your soul feels that it isn’t getting everything it needs from these friendships – it yearns for a deeper connection.
I made a conscious decision many years ago to distance myself from my circle of friends – while I loved them and felt loved by them, I felt that it was love out of familiarity and comfort rather than true support and a deep soul connection. And so I made the painful decision to leave, which was very difficult. My soul knew that there were others out there waiting for me – others who were on a similar path – others who I could grow with and learn with and expand with. And while it didn’t happen overnight, it did happen. I did meet these kindred spirits, and I now I am surrounded by a beautiful social circle of support and love.
I consciously created my social circle, which is what you are doing as well. I love that you aren’t allowing yourself to stay in friendships that are no longer serving you. I love that you are brave enough to venture out into the unknown, to follow your soul, and to be open to where it is leading you. And because of this, I know that you will find deeper soul connections in your own life as well.
For those of you who maybe are experiencing feelings of dissatisfaction in your current social circle and friendships but aren’t sure if it’s time to move on or keep trying – ask yourself the following:
- After you spend time with these friends, do you leave feeling energized, nourished, loved, and happy? Or do you leave feeling upset, disappointed, drained, and hopeless?
- Are you able to change and grow within this circle, or is this seen as threatening and unwelcome?
- Does your soul feel fulfilled by this circle, or is there a feeling of dissatisfaction and yearning for something deeper?
- Are you staying in this circle because you want to be there and are happy to be there or because you have always been there and it is comforting to be there?
- When you think about your ideal friends, do you picture your current friends as they are right now? Or do you wish they would somehow change to be more like this ideal?
After reading this, if you feel that the best decision is to leave, please do so with a loving, open heart. It can be so painful to leave the known, and there may be hurt feelings on both sides. When you are growing and coming into who you are meant to be, it can be seen as scary and threatening to your loved ones – so please keep this in mind when you decide to move on. Give yourself extra love during this time and know that it will get better – this is just a part of the process.
Before diving into a new social circle, spend some time grieving the loss of this one. Journal all of the things that you loved about this time that you shared together. Rather than focusing on the negative and hurt feelings, focus on what did work, what made you want to be friends with them in the first place. And even though you are now in a different place and still feel the need to move on, hopefully this exercise will help you do so with gratitude and love pushing you forward into friendships that are better suited for who you are right now.
When you are ready to begin building up your new social circle, take some time to journal the qualities you are looking for in a friend. Visualize spending time with these friends – how do you feel when you are together? How do they show their love and support? Imagine that you are all hanging out – what are you doing? What does the atmosphere look like? By doing this, you are clarifying what you would like to attract into your life. And when you have a clear vision, you are ready to place your order with the universe. You are now ready to state out loud exactly who you would like to bring into your life. Be as specific as you can be.
But remember – placing your order is only part of the process. You also need to take action. So go back to your visualization – where were you when you imagined you all together? What common interests do you share? Start joining groups/clubs that support these interests. If you are looking for a deeper soul connection with a friend, join a local group that supports this. If such a group doesn’t exist, create your own. You have to meet the universe half way, and by taking action and creating situations where you are apt to meet a kindred spirit, the universe will make sure they appear.
I wish you all the best, and would love to hear about your progress!
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For everyone who is reading, please offer your words of wisdom as well! Let’s all chime in and offer guidance and support for this brave soul who opened themselves up by asking for help!
I would love to answer your question in next’s week’s post!
Please email your question to: info@soulfuljournals.com. (Please put “Ask Away” in the subject line.)
If your question is chosen for that Friday’s feature, I will let you know if I need any additional information. It’s completely up to you if you would like your question to be anonymous or public. If you would like to keep it anonymous, please make sure to leave out any identifying details.
Jodi, again, what a wonderful service you’re providing here. Love what you’re doing! I couldn’t agree with what you shared above. When my support network was in transition 3 years ago, I literally asked the Universe and people I met (who were messengers) for advice on where I could find a community of like-minded, like-spirited others. Someone suggested looking into joining a New Thought community. I did a web search and went to a spiritual learning center exactly one meeting before their New Member Sunday! It immediately felt like I was home, and I’ve since become a board member, serving the community that has supported my own spiritual growth that has allowed me to breakthrough time and again. So, yes, absolutely ask Spirit for guidance, set your intention to be among people who can support you, and take guided action. I’d also add that you hold your “old” friends in love, even though spending time with them is no longer empowering. You’d never know whom among them may actually be on a similar path as you, just at a different pace. You may find that some of your old relationships will morph, transform and be redefined in time. As you fine-tune your own consciousness, those with like consciousness will be attracted to you, whether new friends or old ones. Many blessings, and I see you being abundantly supported in a social circle that buoys, inspires and empowers you! Let it be so, and so it is.
Thank you so much, Alice, for this thoughtful, loving response.
I’m so glad you found such a supportive community. I am forever grateful that you have become an essential part of mine.
Ooops, I meant to write I couldn’t agree *more* with what you shared above. 🙂
Great question, great response by Jodi, and great comment by Alice–yes, everyone moves at their own pace, and you never know who might end up in the same place as you next year (or month or week). I’d also like to add that not all people can be all things to you. And while I’d certainly encourage the asker (or anyone in a similar position) to distance themselves from anyone who’s disempowering, there might be other friends who, while not being deep soul connections, could be an enjoyable part of your social life, even if a small part–a buddy with whom you like to go bowling, play music, or share some other common interest. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing, but I’d definitely echo the sentiments above regarding keeping your focus on what/whom you DO want in your life.
Thank you so much to Dan and Alice for sharing their wise, thoughtful words here. As always, you both added such important points that help make this a well-rounded response for everyone to learn from. XOXO
Hi Jodi,
A wonderful question and an awesome answer and great comments too. A question close to my heart and one I’ve been seeking an answer to. Thanks so much for posting.