If we’ve been connected for a while here on Soul Speak, you may have noticed a shift in me over the last year. I’ve been doing much less and reflecting much more. I’ve been listening to my soul more often and have been doing my best to take my ego out of the driver’s seat. I’ve been taking better care of my tired body by resting and disconnecting from the outside world as much as possible.
I’ve been remembering how important self care and self love truly are. And I’ve given myself permission to offer this care and love to myself in whatever way I most needed. It’s been such a healing journey of growth and going within.
For several years now, I’ve been very present and very visible in the online world. I wanted to reach as many people as I could in order to support them however I could. For as long as I can remember, I always wanted to write loving words that helped others. But in 2010, this dream was rocket fueled by a beautiful experience that cracked open my entire world. Four years ago, an old friend who had recently died began communicating with me. I was a complete skeptic and didn’t believe this was possible. (Until then, I had spent most of my life on the left side of my brain – focusing on logic and proof.)
Thankfully, he was persistent and our conversations continued over the course of several years. (We even wrote a book together, which I am hoping to finish and release soon.)
One of the messages that he shared with me was that it was time for me to embrace my life and help others embrace theirs – joyfully. I took this responsibility very seriously and put my own needs aside in order to fulfill what I saw as my soul’s mission. I didn’t want to let him (or the universe) down.
I thought I was doing everything right. I was sharing a loving message with others and helping them embrace their lives. I was pushing past my fear by saying yes to every opportunity that came my way. I was reaching out and connecting with others constantly. I was helping others see the beautiful soul that I saw when I looked at them. I was inspiring others to reconnect with their own inner light and embrace each day.
But eventually, all of this connecting and pushing and not taking care of myself in the process got the best of me. And I got tired. Really, really tired. And I ended up on the couch. My body had had enough of pushing and simply wasn’t able to get up. This was such a wake-up call for me.
During all of this DOing, I forgot to breathe. I forgot to trust in myself and in the universe enough to remember that I didn’t have to push so hard. I forgot that loving myself and easing up on myself must come before anything else. I forgot to implement into my own life everything that I had been teaching to others for years.
I kept hearing a whisper from within say that I needed a year of silence to reconnect with my soul. I’ve heard this same whisper for years, which I quickly pushed aside. Or I moved it to the “Wouldn’t it be nice?” part of my brain where fantasies spent their time.
Eventually these whispers would start again, and my heart would begin to consider that maybe it would be possible to do this. But my brain immediately would list why it wasn’t a good idea. I make a living talking to people – connecting with people – guiding people (which I love). How in the world could I do this while being silent? So I would shut it down and ignore it and try to continue living exactly how I was. But this message was persistent. And it started getting louder and louder until finally I realized that it wasn’t going to go away. I have been connecting with my soul for long enough to know when to pay attention, and so I decided to give it a go and see what happens.
So I’m taking a leap and declaring to the world that I will be honoring silence for the next 12 months starting on January 1, 2015.
I have no idea what will happen during this time. I have no idea what I will learn or will experience. But I do know that this is part of my journey to get back to me. I know that I can’t keep up this fast, noisy pace. I know that my insides are screaming for quiet and solitude. And I know that in giving myself this time, I will have so much more to give to others moving forward. My cup will be full. And I can’t wait to feel vibrant and joyful and all filled up again.
Throughout this journey, I’ll be blogging here on Soul Speak and also on my new website: ayearofsilence.com – keeping you in the loop about what I’m experiencing and learning. And I would love for you to join me in whatever way feels right within your own soul. I realize that not everyone will be able to (or will even want to) be silent for an entire year. But maybe this experiment will inspire you to embrace quiet and stillness in other ways.
(You can also read the About page to learn more about what I’m planning.)
We are all so deserving of a life that nourishes us. It’s my hope that my journey of silence will inspire you to look within your heart and give yourself permission to live the life that you most desire. You’re so worthy of that.
I hope you’ll take this journey with me in whatever ways feels most right for you! Here’s to stillness and solitude and expansion and leaping into silence!